Belles ofof the ball

KATH & KIMDERELLA

Sunday Tasmanian - Tassie Living - - Front Page - LEIGH PAATSCH

KATH & KEL’S DATE MOVIE

Kath: Eyes Wide Shut. It’s so deep, it’s so lay­ered. And the cin­e­matog­ra­phy is so . . . slow. Tom Cruise walk­ing down a cor­ri­dor and car­ry­ing a Christ­mas tree around, I mean, it just doesn’t get much bet­ter than that. The orgy scene, we mir­ror that of­ten – Kel and I go through the mo­tions, lit­er­ally. And the sound­track, it was so bright and happy, wasn’t it? ‘ Bing . . . bing . . . ’

Kim: War of the Roses, that’s a datenight movie for me and Brett. It’s an oldie, I got it out of Mum’s DVD col­lec­tion. It’s oooooold.

HENSWORTH V HENSWORTH

Kim: I love The Hunger Games, ob­vi­ously, be­cause I love Liam Hensworth. I like any­one with a birdy name, that gets me. And The Hunger Games, well, I’m al­ways hun­gry. So me and Sharon loved that.

If you could only have one Hemsworth brother, would it be Liam or Chris?

Kim: Oo­hhh, I’d have to jump Liam. I’d give Mi­ley a run for her money. We’re about the same age, me and Mi­ley. Chris is older, he’d be right for Mum.

SE­QUELS

Kim: Kel Knight Ris­ing. And Kim’s Speech is a favourite of mine – I love the way that I speak.

Kath: Now we’ve had a taste of filums we can make our own fran­chises. Or pig­gy­back on other peo­ple’s fran­chises, like Kim’s Speech. Then we could do Kath’s Speech.

Kim: It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it! Kath: We could do Red Dog 2 . . . Kim: If we dye Kujo’s hair.

REMAKES

Kath: I’ve got Babs’ hair so I could do a bit of a Babs. In her Jon Peters phase she had a curly perm which was just beau­ti­ful. And she keeps her­self trim. She brings it wher­ever she goes, and I learn from that. Kel and I could do The Main Event ( where Babs ‘‘ works out’’ with Ryan O’Neal), be­cause we like to box­er­cise. We’re gym junkies like Babs. Kim: I would like to re­make The God­fa­ther. That was the most bor­ing film I’ve ever seen. I don’t think it did very well ei­ther, did it? Un­der­stand­able. So bor­ing! Kath: Is that Fran­cis Ford Co- pole- ah? He wanted to di­rect Kath & Kimderella, but we said he just didn’t have the runs on the board at this stage: ‘ Go away, do a bit more work, come back.’ Ditto Pe­dro Almod­ovar. He wanted to but we said, ‘ No, Pe­dro, next time’.

AUSSIE REMAKES

Kath: Moo- lan Rouge, ’ cos I could do Ni­cole. Kel could play Ewan McGre­gor. Who would you play in that, Kim?

Kim: The Rouge. Kath: Os- tray- lya, ditto. BMX Ban­dits, ditto – that was when Ni­cole had nice, curly, pretty hair.

Kim: Saw – that’d be for Sharon ’ cos she’s of­ten sore. You know, in­juries ga­lore. How many are they up to now? She could be in Sore 10.

Kath: An­i­mal King­dom, that’s an open book about our lives. I’m Jacki Weaver – the mum to all my crim­i­nal chil­dren. But it was too dark, I’m a sunny per­son­al­ity. I get sorely tested with Kim of course, she’s a bit of a crim, she’s known to shoplift.

KATH & KIM: THE BIOPIC

Kim: I’m won­der­ing in the movie of our lives, who would play us? Madonna could play you. Kath: Oh yes, she’s a won­der­ful ac­tress. Kim: Se­lena Gomez could play me, but she might be a bit old now.

DREAM CO- STARS

Kath: I’d have to have Javier Bar­dem. ’ Cos I’m art­house.

Kim: I’d have Lara Bin­gle. I ad­mire her tal­ents.

Kath: Act­ing- wise, she’s got the chops.

Kim: She makes a lit­tle go a long way and I ad­mire that. She’s got it.

MOVIE WED­DINGS

Kath: My favourite is from The Sound of Mu­sic. You know, the nuns, the nave, the aerial shot of her dress. It doesn’t get much bet­ter than that.

Kim: The wed­ding scene in Twi­light. An­other one that was reeeeaaaally slow. They dragged it out and dragged it out and they’ve made it into two films . . . I reckon that’s re­ally smart. That’s what we’re gonna do.

THE SAP­PHIRES

Kim: But not the one that’s out now. Ac­tu­ally there was a doc­u­men­tary made of Sharon’s net­ball team which is called

The Sap­phires. It’s a feel- bad story about girls who travel to Nid­drie for the semi- fi­nals and lose.

Kath: Not a happy end­ing.

Could Sharon carry a whole movie as lead­ing lady?

Kim: Oh she car­ries the whole team. None of them want to do it. She’s al­ways ring­ing them, beg­ging them to come and play. It’s so sad.

Kath: She’s very un­lucky in love, but she has her sport. Good old Sharon. I think Aus­tralians would like to see a film, es­pe­cially af­ter the Olympics, about a team of chok­ers.

Kim: That’s what it should have been called, not The Sap­phires – The Chok­ers!

Kath: I’m not cast­ing dis­per­sions on our Olympic team . . . they did a great job. Noth­ing wrong with sil­ver.

Kim: Even though you do pre­fer gold. It’s a lit­tle ritzier.

Kath: Well, gold goes with blonde.

MOST HATED

Kim: I don’t like any­thing with An­gelina Jolie- Bob- Pitt in it be­cause I don’t like the way she looks. It of­fends me.

Kath: I like any­thing the Coen broth­ers do, be­cause I’m art­house. Kim: It’s what you don’t like, Mum. Kath: Or there’s a lot of meno- porn that’s around at the mo­ment, all those films about women. Meryl Streep’s in a lot of meno- porn, which I like. You’ve got your It’s Com­pli­cated, you’ve got your Hope Springs, you’ve got your some­thing else . . .

GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT

Kim: Magic Mike – we went to Chicks at the Flicks, are you kid­ding? Loved it! Matthew McCon­norhee, he can do no wrong.

Kath: He’s hand­some, he’s foxy and he’s a damn fine ac­tor.

You do a bit of danc­ing in your movie. What about the Step Up films?

Kim: Miami Heat – I could have been in that, I reckon. I can’t dance . . . Kath: Stick It! Kim: What? Kath: I was in Stick It. Kim: Oh, I thought you were be­ing rude. Kath: I stuck it.

KATH & KIMDERELLA’S FAIRY­TALE IN­SPI­RA­TION

Kath: The Dis­ney ver­sion of Cin­derella be­cause I love that song, ’ Cin­derelly, Cin­derelly, night and day, it’s Cin­derelly’. Do you know that song? Oh it’s a clas­sic. Google it. It’s when the lit­tle mice are mak­ing her dress.

Kim: I love The Lit­tle Mer­maid. I’m like Ariel but I’m not lit­tle, I don’t have red hair and I don’t like the wa­ter. But, aside from that, we are ex­actly the same. I am a Dis­ney princess, pretty much. And I am a bit of a car­toon char­ac­ter.

BEST MOVIE EVER

Kim: Kath & Kimderella. It’s got it all. Kath: It’s got ev­ery genre you could imag­ine – it’s got thriller, it’s got a car chase, it’s got a sword­fight, we’ve got an evil pres­ence, we’ve got das­tardly deeds, a fire in the tower . . .

Kim: It’s got colour, it’s got move­ment, it’s got grav­i­tas. Has it got heft? Well, Sharon’s in it.

KATH & KIMDERELLA

Di­rec­tor: Ted Emery ( The Craic ) Stars: Jane Turner, Gina Ri­ley, Glenn Rob­bins, Peter Row­sthorn, Rob Sitch, Richard E. Grant

Cash- in crashes out IT HAS been a while since glass- half- full won­der woman Kath Day- Knight ( Jane Turner, right) and her glass- fully- empty night­mare of a daugh­ter Kim ( Gina Ri­ley, in­set) reigned supreme as the queens of Aus­tralian com­edy.

So it would be fair to as­sume that to strike up the friend­ship with fans yet again, Kath & Kimderella would be mov­ing heaven and earth to wow one and all.

Far from it, I’m afraid. Ev­ery­thing about Kath & Kimderella smacks of a cheap ( and of­ten, rather cheer­less) cash- in: a fi­nal ri­fle through the pock­ets of those who du­ti­fully watched all the shows, bought all the DVDs and still quote all the catch­phrases.

Early doors, the movie coasts along lik­ably enough, mainly be­cause of all the ain’t- it- great- to- have-’ em- back? good­will in the room.

How­ever, the nov­elty value of see­ing the foxy bo­gan combo tak­ing their subur­ban high- jinks to so­phis­ti­cated Europe wears off very, very quickly.

By yank­ing Kath and Kim off their tack­ygo- lucky home turf, Turner and Ri­ley have made a ma­jor mis­cal­cu­la­tion as screen­writ­ers.

Put sim­ply, Kath, Kim and their in­ex­pli­ca­bly loyal off­sider Sharon ( Magda Szuban­ski) are very much crea­tures of the Aus­tralian subur­ban jun­gle. We’ve al­ways laughed along with them be­cause they be­long so com­pletely to a world we all recog­nise.

Watch­ing them tot­ter around the back­blocks of Italy just doesn’t bring on the tit­ters. With­out their home ground ad­van­tage, the team falls to bits.

Once the rut sets in, a weak, sketch­driven plot with painful par­al­lels to the Cin­derella fairy­tale does not ex­actly aid any hopes of a sud­den turn­around.

Se­lect sup­port­ing mem­bers of the cast pay their way when the se­ries regulars ( also on board are Glenn Rob­bins as Kel, aka Mr Kath, and Peter Row­sthorn as Brett, now the ex- Mr Kim) take a breather from their fum­bling and floun­der­ing.

Rob Sitch does some very amus­ing work with his role as a shifty monarch with du­bi­ous de­signs upon Kath. Let’s hope this isn’t a one- off for Sitch, as he has a sly and know­ing pres­ence which could be put to great use in bet­ter films.

British re­cruit Richard E. Grant has lit­tle to do but roll his eyes at ev­ery­thing around him, but stays on the good side of the au­di­ence throughout. Per­haps be­cause he is ex­press­ing what many in the au­di­ence are feel­ing.

The great Frank Wood­ley shows up briefly to fine ef­fect, and should have been given more to do. ( As op­posed to a ter­ri­bly point­less cameo from Barry Humphries as Dame Edna, which prob­a­bly should have been saved for the DVD ex­tras.)

Die- hard fans starved of the K& K ef­fect may be in­clined to lap this up out of grat­i­tude, but ev­ery­one else should steer well clear.

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