Belles ofof the ball
KATH & KIMDERELLA
KATH & KEL’S DATE MOVIE
Kath: Eyes Wide Shut. It’s so deep, it’s so layered. And the cinematography is so . . . slow. Tom Cruise walking down a corridor and carrying a Christmas tree around, I mean, it just doesn’t get much better than that. The orgy scene, we mirror that often – Kel and I go through the motions, literally. And the soundtrack, it was so bright and happy, wasn’t it? ‘ Bing . . . bing . . . ’
Kim: War of the Roses, that’s a datenight movie for me and Brett. It’s an oldie, I got it out of Mum’s DVD collection. It’s oooooold.
HENSWORTH V HENSWORTH
Kim: I love The Hunger Games, obviously, because I love Liam Hensworth. I like anyone with a birdy name, that gets me. And The Hunger Games, well, I’m always hungry. So me and Sharon loved that.
If you could only have one Hemsworth brother, would it be Liam or Chris?
Kim: Oohhh, I’d have to jump Liam. I’d give Miley a run for her money. We’re about the same age, me and Miley. Chris is older, he’d be right for Mum.
Kim: Kel Knight Rising. And Kim’s Speech is a favourite of mine – I love the way that I speak.
Kath: Now we’ve had a taste of filums we can make our own franchises. Or piggyback on other people’s franchises, like Kim’s Speech. Then we could do Kath’s Speech.
Kim: It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it! Kath: We could do Red Dog 2 . . . Kim: If we dye Kujo’s hair.
Kath: I’ve got Babs’ hair so I could do a bit of a Babs. In her Jon Peters phase she had a curly perm which was just beautiful. And she keeps herself trim. She brings it wherever she goes, and I learn from that. Kel and I could do The Main Event ( where Babs ‘‘ works out’’ with Ryan O’Neal), because we like to boxercise. We’re gym junkies like Babs. Kim: I would like to remake The Godfather. That was the most boring film I’ve ever seen. I don’t think it did very well either, did it? Understandable. So boring! Kath: Is that Francis Ford Co- pole- ah? He wanted to direct Kath & Kimderella, but we said he just didn’t have the runs on the board at this stage: ‘ Go away, do a bit more work, come back.’ Ditto Pedro Almodovar. He wanted to but we said, ‘ No, Pedro, next time’.
Kath: Moo- lan Rouge, ’ cos I could do Nicole. Kel could play Ewan McGregor. Who would you play in that, Kim?
Kim: The Rouge. Kath: Os- tray- lya, ditto. BMX Bandits, ditto – that was when Nicole had nice, curly, pretty hair.
Kim: Saw – that’d be for Sharon ’ cos she’s often sore. You know, injuries galore. How many are they up to now? She could be in Sore 10.
Kath: Animal Kingdom, that’s an open book about our lives. I’m Jacki Weaver – the mum to all my criminal children. But it was too dark, I’m a sunny personality. I get sorely tested with Kim of course, she’s a bit of a crim, she’s known to shoplift.
KATH & KIM: THE BIOPIC
Kim: I’m wondering in the movie of our lives, who would play us? Madonna could play you. Kath: Oh yes, she’s a wonderful actress. Kim: Selena Gomez could play me, but she might be a bit old now.
DREAM CO- STARS
Kath: I’d have to have Javier Bardem. ’ Cos I’m arthouse.
Kim: I’d have Lara Bingle. I admire her talents.
Kath: Acting- wise, she’s got the chops.
Kim: She makes a little go a long way and I admire that. She’s got it.
Kath: My favourite is from The Sound of Music. You know, the nuns, the nave, the aerial shot of her dress. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Kim: The wedding scene in Twilight. Another one that was reeeeaaaally slow. They dragged it out and dragged it out and they’ve made it into two films . . . I reckon that’s really smart. That’s what we’re gonna do.
Kim: But not the one that’s out now. Actually there was a documentary made of Sharon’s netball team which is called
The Sapphires. It’s a feel- bad story about girls who travel to Niddrie for the semi- finals and lose.
Kath: Not a happy ending.
Could Sharon carry a whole movie as leading lady?
Kim: Oh she carries the whole team. None of them want to do it. She’s always ringing them, begging them to come and play. It’s so sad.
Kath: She’s very unlucky in love, but she has her sport. Good old Sharon. I think Australians would like to see a film, especially after the Olympics, about a team of chokers.
Kim: That’s what it should have been called, not The Sapphires – The Chokers!
Kath: I’m not casting dispersions on our Olympic team . . . they did a great job. Nothing wrong with silver.
Kim: Even though you do prefer gold. It’s a little ritzier.
Kath: Well, gold goes with blonde.
Kim: I don’t like anything with Angelina Jolie- Bob- Pitt in it because I don’t like the way she looks. It offends me.
Kath: I like anything the Coen brothers do, because I’m arthouse. Kim: It’s what you don’t like, Mum. Kath: Or there’s a lot of meno- porn that’s around at the moment, all those films about women. Meryl Streep’s in a lot of meno- porn, which I like. You’ve got your It’s Complicated, you’ve got your Hope Springs, you’ve got your something else . . .
GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
Kim: Magic Mike – we went to Chicks at the Flicks, are you kidding? Loved it! Matthew McConnorhee, he can do no wrong.
Kath: He’s handsome, he’s foxy and he’s a damn fine actor.
You do a bit of dancing in your movie. What about the Step Up films?
Kim: Miami Heat – I could have been in that, I reckon. I can’t dance . . . Kath: Stick It! Kim: What? Kath: I was in Stick It. Kim: Oh, I thought you were being rude. Kath: I stuck it.
KATH & KIMDERELLA’S FAIRYTALE INSPIRATION
Kath: The Disney version of Cinderella because I love that song, ’ Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day, it’s Cinderelly’. Do you know that song? Oh it’s a classic. Google it. It’s when the little mice are making her dress.
Kim: I love The Little Mermaid. I’m like Ariel but I’m not little, I don’t have red hair and I don’t like the water. But, aside from that, we are exactly the same. I am a Disney princess, pretty much. And I am a bit of a cartoon character.
BEST MOVIE EVER
Kim: Kath & Kimderella. It’s got it all. Kath: It’s got every genre you could imagine – it’s got thriller, it’s got a car chase, it’s got a swordfight, we’ve got an evil presence, we’ve got dastardly deeds, a fire in the tower . . .
Kim: It’s got colour, it’s got movement, it’s got gravitas. Has it got heft? Well, Sharon’s in it.
KATH & KIMDERELLA
Director: Ted Emery ( The Craic ) Stars: Jane Turner, Gina Riley, Glenn Robbins, Peter Rowsthorn, Rob Sitch, Richard E. Grant
Cash- in crashes out IT HAS been a while since glass- half- full wonder woman Kath Day- Knight ( Jane Turner, right) and her glass- fully- empty nightmare of a daughter Kim ( Gina Riley, inset) reigned supreme as the queens of Australian comedy.
So it would be fair to assume that to strike up the friendship with fans yet again, Kath & Kimderella would be moving heaven and earth to wow one and all.
Far from it, I’m afraid. Everything about Kath & Kimderella smacks of a cheap ( and often, rather cheerless) cash- in: a final rifle through the pockets of those who dutifully watched all the shows, bought all the DVDs and still quote all the catchphrases.
Early doors, the movie coasts along likably enough, mainly because of all the ain’t- it- great- to- have-’ em- back? goodwill in the room.
However, the novelty value of seeing the foxy bogan combo taking their suburban high- jinks to sophisticated Europe wears off very, very quickly.
By yanking Kath and Kim off their tackygo- lucky home turf, Turner and Riley have made a major miscalculation as screenwriters.
Put simply, Kath, Kim and their inexplicably loyal offsider Sharon ( Magda Szubanski) are very much creatures of the Australian suburban jungle. We’ve always laughed along with them because they belong so completely to a world we all recognise.
Watching them totter around the backblocks of Italy just doesn’t bring on the titters. Without their home ground advantage, the team falls to bits.
Once the rut sets in, a weak, sketchdriven plot with painful parallels to the Cinderella fairytale does not exactly aid any hopes of a sudden turnaround.
Select supporting members of the cast pay their way when the series regulars ( also on board are Glenn Robbins as Kel, aka Mr Kath, and Peter Rowsthorn as Brett, now the ex- Mr Kim) take a breather from their fumbling and floundering.
Rob Sitch does some very amusing work with his role as a shifty monarch with dubious designs upon Kath. Let’s hope this isn’t a one- off for Sitch, as he has a sly and knowing presence which could be put to great use in better films.
British recruit Richard E. Grant has little to do but roll his eyes at everything around him, but stays on the good side of the audience throughout. Perhaps because he is expressing what many in the audience are feeling.
The great Frank Woodley shows up briefly to fine effect, and should have been given more to do. ( As opposed to a terribly pointless cameo from Barry Humphries as Dame Edna, which probably should have been saved for the DVD extras.)
Die- hard fans starved of the K& K effect may be inclined to lap this up out of gratitude, but everyone else should steer well clear.