The ten laws of the Logies

Ahead of tonight’s 56th an­nual TV Week Logies Awards, Deb­bie Schipp pre­sents the Ten Com­mand­ments for at­ten­dees at the cer­e­mony

Sunday Tasmanian - Tassie Living - - TV -

1 THOU SHALT KEEP SPEECHES SHORT … AND FROCKS LONG

Con­grats. You won. Now smile, wipe away a tear if you must, thank who you need to – and get off quickly. It’s Sun­day night. View­ers work to­mor­row. And a lot of money has been sunk into those af­ter- par­ties.

As for the frocks, two words: Brynne Edel­sten.

2 THOU SHALT BAG THE HOSTS

Whether or not they do a good job. Think Bert New­ton’s back- to- back ef­forts from 1959 to 1980 and Andrew Den­ton’s dar­ing dou­ble. On the flip side, first fe­male solo host Wendy Harmer likened it to cut­ting off your arm with a blunt chainsaw, and Gre­tel Killeen was howled down on Twit­ter in 2009.

3 THOU SHALT, IF HU­MANLY POS­SI­BLE, STEAL A LO­GIE

Ev­ery year, there’s an op­por­tunis­tic Lo­gie- nap­ping or lost Lo­gie. Last year, or­gan­is­ers pro­vided bags to end the trail of lost Logies. Win­ners promptly for­got to take the bags.

4 THOU SHALT EX­PLAIN TO GUESTS WHAT IS GO­ING ON

It helps to avoid in­ci­dents like in 2006, when Joan Rivers fronted for pre­sent­ing du­ties, tired, emo­tional and hi­lar­i­ous, took one look at a stat­uette and de­clared it the ugli­est award she’d ever seen.

… AND DON’T IN­SULT THOSE GUESTS

In 1979, Bert New­ton said of guest Muhammed Ali: “I like the boy” – un­aware it was a racial slur. Bert was do­ing a clumsy cross- pro­mo­tion – the words were the catch- cry of an ad New­ton was in at the time.

5 THOU SHALT AVOID TAN­DOORI TANS

Fake tan early, not of­ten. Jodi Gor­don, Car­rie Bick­more and a host of Home and Away- ers have learned from their tan­doori tragedies. Memo to Real House­wives of Mel­bourne’s Gina Liano: we’re not ex­pect­ing you to ad­here to this one.

6 THOU SHALT NOT TWEET FROM THE ROOM

Twit­ter plus de­layed tele­cast equals spoiler.

7 THOU SHALT PLAY THE LONG GAME

Don’t drink be­fore the red car­pet, sip spar­ingly through­out the cer­e­mony and keep it nice at the af­ter- party. It helps to avoid scuf­fles with se­cu­rity or those af­ter- party in­ci­dents like wav­ing your un­der­pants over your head on the dance floor.

8 THOU SHALT NOT DO MORN­ING TELE­VI­SION UN­DER THE WEATHER

Karl Ste­fanovic, 2009. We’re talk­ing to you.

9 THOU SHALT DRAW GASPS ON THE RED CAR­PET

Stunt dresses. Day­time TV pre­sen­ter Susie Elel­man and her “girls’” spe­cialise in them, in all their grav­ity- de­fy­ing grandeur.

10 THOU SHALT FOL­LOW THE TRA­DI­TION OF KERRI- ANNE

Chan­nel Kerri- Anne Ken­ner­ley. Be in­ex­haustible, charm­ing and, of course, last to leave the dance floor.

56TH AN­NUAL TV WEEK LO­GIE AWARDS

Sun­day, 7.30pm, red car­pet; 8pm awards cov­er­age, WIN

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