Extinction dies a slow death
TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION ( M) Director: Michael Bay ( Transformers) Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammer, Jack Reynor.
I S Transformers: Age of Extinction the worst action blockbuster ever?
The final answer is one best answered by Hollywood historians further down the track.
However, right here and right now, even the fairest- minded observers would be hardpressed to deny this fourth instalment in the ever- crappening Transformers series boasts impressive credentials for the title.
Never before has a big- ticket budget ( priced at $ 200 million, and then some) been blown on such a small- minded outcome.
At turns bloated, bewildering and bumnumbingly overlong, all that will hopefully be extinct by the end of Age of Extinction will be the urge to live through such a vacuous ordeal ever again.
Don’t go falling for the pre- game pitch that this will be a reboot, as the only notable change over at Transformers Inc is all about internal staffing.
Former franchise frontman Shia LaBeouf has been shown the door and an older- butno- wiser Mark Wahlberg ushered in as his replacement.
He plays Cade Yeager, a down- and- out inventor who will serve as the movie’s main man when it comes to humans befriending shape- shifting robots.
Cade also has a 17- year- old daughter named Tessa. She is played by Nicola Peltz, a young lady who knows just where to be should viewers require immediate updates on how her cleavage or backside is doing.
Wahlberg, Peltz and a passing parade of slumming support names ( led by Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammer) are among those involved when Optimus Prime and his fellow Autobots return from exile to face an all- new suite of enemies.
The US Government is no longer a fan of the Autobots’ work. Neither is the CIA. Same goes for a corrupt armament technology company.
Sometimes the anti- Autobot faction is also boosted by a new and vicious visitor from across the galaxy.
But really, who hates who – and why, and what they are going to do about it – becomes impossible to follow after a while. There is rarely a period in this 160- minute picture where it doesn’t feel as if everything is being made up on the spot.
Meanwhile, regular Transformers director Michael Bay conducts his usual perfect storm of brain- freezes, brain- fades and brain- farts, jackhammering the frame with digitally-rendered detritus at every opportunity.
The only moments where this desperate audio- visual frenzy will briefly subside is when products are thoughtfully placed so their logos rightfully receive the screen time their manufacturers have paid for.
File under all hype and no hope, and do your best to avoid. Now showing Village Cinemas