Fifty Shades of grades
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY ( MA15+)
Director: Sam Taylor- Johnson ( Nowhere Boy)
Starring : Jamie Dornan, Dakota Johnson, Kate Mumford, Luke Grimes, Jennifer Ehle
Verdict: Spank you, and good night
WELL, we’ve all had time to live with ( or look the other way from) the bigscreen arrival of the Fifty Shades of
Grey phenomenon. Just as the book by E. L. James was a pile of perfumed fertiliser, the movie gives off fumes that can addle the judgment of the with- it and the without- a- clue alike.
As global ticket sales for the week cruised past $ 300 million, Fifty
Shades of Grey doesn’t need another review. But with further erratically erotic sequels offi cially on the way, it sure could use a report card:
JAMIE DORNAN AS CHRISTIAN GREY C-
Dornan has shown elsewhere ( most notably in TV series The Falls) he can act. However, out of choice or necessity, that particular tool in his skill set is rarely used here. The robotic manner in which he recites iconic lines such as “I’m not the man for you. You should steer clear of me” bring on way too many ( non- sexual) groans.
DAKOTA JOHNSON AS ANASTASIA STEELE A-
A real fi nd who is the real reason many have found the movie better than they expected. Can be funny when she needs to be and is a ( relatively) believable human being at all times. Though Johnson has to suff er the same storytelling indignities as Dornan, she is never intimidated by them.
THE SUPPORTING CAST D-
The rest of the cast barely exist for any reason, aside from briefly reminding us Christian and Ana have family, friends and a couple of other people who work either for or with them. The best of a blocked- out bunch are Jennifer Ehle ( as Ana’s mum) and Kate Mumford ( Ana’s roommate).
AS SERIOUS DRAMA E
Awful. Gets it wrong by overly celebrating Christian’s affl uence, arrogance and right to whack a woman when and where he wants.
AS UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY B-
The movie’s ability to fi nd laughs in places where they should not be is a welcome saving grace.
The story’s origins as Twilight fan fi ction are obvious. Just like the Twilight movies, very little happens unless absolutely necessary. An hour’s worth of material is given two hours of screen time in which to stretch, yawn and take a good lie down. The back stories of the leading characters are nowhere near as important as their backsides.
The best that can be said about the fi lm’s dialogue is probably that it’s in English, and it’s audible. Here’s a key line: “My tastes are very singular. You wouldn’t understand.”
Now showing Village and State Cinemas