Neale Whi­taker:


Sunday Tasmanian - Tassie Living - - NEWS -

Some things are best left be­hind closed doors

Show me a door and I’ll show you a happy man,” is a line that I didn’t use on a re­cent film­ing of The Block room re­veals. But I so wish I had. Com­ment Re­gret (like the re­cently re­ported Ob­ses­sive Cri­tiquing Disor­der) is an­other symp­tom of re­al­ity-TV judg­ing (as in, “If only I had said that it would have made me sound fun­nier/cooler/wiser,” etc), but I di­gress.What I’m ac­tu­ally al­lud­ing to here is my ex­treme dis­trust of any wardrobes, walk-in or oth­er­wise, with­out doors. Said doors can be slid­ing, soft-close, two-pack,with or with­out knobs – even mir­rored – they just have to be doors.

Let me put this into con­text. I have a friend who lives in an ex­tremely stylish apart­ment. His walk-in wardrobes – like his clothes and fur­ni­ture – are of the Ital­ian va­ri­ety: ex­pen­sive, beau­ti­fully de­signed and brazenly open-plan. In them hang a dozen or so jack­ets of uni­form length, evenly spaced, in a riot of colours from black to deep char­coal grey; ditto shirts in white, off-white and near-white, and ser­ried ranks of iden­ti­cal jeans. Con­cealed in draw­ers would be neatly balled and folded mul­ti­ples of socks,jocks and T-shirts. It has to be said how­ever, that my friend is un­like the ma­jor­ity of hu­mankind. I didn’t say freak, you did.

But real life is chaotic, messy and – let’s be hon­est – too short to cu­rate wardrobes.Some peo­ple have coloured clothes. Some even have (in­sert fright­ened emoji) wire coat hang­ers. Open-plan only works if you are a) Car­rie Brad­shaw; b) a Kar­dashian; c) a wardrobe man­u­fac­turer’s cat­a­logue; or d) my afore­men­tioned friend. If you’re none of those, then my ad­vice is to put a door on it. Which leads me to an even more vexed and del­i­cate in­te­rior de­sign co­nun­drum. En­suite door – yes or no? Num­bers in the “no” camp are swelling alarm­ingly. My eman­ci­pated, seen-itall-heard-it-all in­ner lib­er­tine says door­less is fine, but my in­ner prude speaks louder and with greater con­vic­tion. Like wardrobes, there are things glimpsed in en­suites that just don’t hang right. I love my en­suite, but I also love that I can pull the doors across when I choose. Re­mem­ber that time in Sex And The City when Mi­randa’s overnight guest takes an early morn­ing, open-door… well, I think you know how that scene played out.

Some things are just bet­ter be­hind closed doors, nei­ther seen nor heard. Neale Whi­taker is ed­i­tor-at-large of Vogue Liv­ing.

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