THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE BEST LEFT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
Some things are best left behind closed doors
Show me a door and I’ll show you a happy man,” is a line that I didn’t use on a recent filming of The Block room reveals. But I so wish I had. Comment Regret (like the recently reported Obsessive Critiquing Disorder) is another symptom of reality-TV judging (as in, “If only I had said that it would have made me sound funnier/cooler/wiser,” etc), but I digress.What I’m actually alluding to here is my extreme distrust of any wardrobes, walk-in or otherwise, without doors. Said doors can be sliding, soft-close, two-pack,with or without knobs – even mirrored – they just have to be doors.
Let me put this into context. I have a friend who lives in an extremely stylish apartment. His walk-in wardrobes – like his clothes and furniture – are of the Italian variety: expensive, beautifully designed and brazenly open-plan. In them hang a dozen or so jackets of uniform length, evenly spaced, in a riot of colours from black to deep charcoal grey; ditto shirts in white, off-white and near-white, and serried ranks of identical jeans. Concealed in drawers would be neatly balled and folded multiples of socks,jocks and T-shirts. It has to be said however, that my friend is unlike the majority of humankind. I didn’t say freak, you did.
But real life is chaotic, messy and – let’s be honest – too short to curate wardrobes.Some people have coloured clothes. Some even have (insert frightened emoji) wire coat hangers. Open-plan only works if you are a) Carrie Bradshaw; b) a Kardashian; c) a wardrobe manufacturer’s catalogue; or d) my aforementioned friend. If you’re none of those, then my advice is to put a door on it. Which leads me to an even more vexed and delicate interior design conundrum. Ensuite door – yes or no? Numbers in the “no” camp are swelling alarmingly. My emancipated, seen-itall-heard-it-all inner libertine says doorless is fine, but my inner prude speaks louder and with greater conviction. Like wardrobes, there are things glimpsed in ensuites that just don’t hang right. I love my ensuite, but I also love that I can pull the doors across when I choose. Remember that time in Sex And The City when Miranda’s overnight guest takes an early morning, open-door… well, I think you know how that scene played out.
Some things are just better behind closed doors, neither seen nor heard. Neale Whitaker is editor-at-large of Vogue Living.