Bloody hell, it’s a killer

107 minutes (MA15+)

Robert Rodriguez

( Sin City)

Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Demian Bichir, Charlie Sheen, Lady Gaga, Sofia Vergara

Leigh Paatsch MISSED the original Machete in 2010?

Then you might need to know it was actually a feature version of a fake trailer wedged inside Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’s 2007 Grindhouse double-bill.

You might also give Machete Kills a miss if overthe- top violence and underwhelming dialogue ain’t your thing.

The 68-year-old superfreak Danny Trejo returns to the role of Machete with the same poker-faced charisma as before.

You can’t help but like the guy, even though there’s not much more to him than a calcified grimace and a bad attitude that would make a military dictator cower.

As the title implies, Machete has some extensive terminating to do throughout this film.

And as time waits for no murderous Mexican, it is only milliseconds before the death rate escalates to DEFCON: Massacre.

Don’t go looking for a story. It’s washed away in a torrent of fake blood soon after the opening credits.

So while Mr Machete sternly stomps from one act of butchery to another — pausing occasionally so a lady admirer can hint she’d like to take her clothes off — the film quickly devolves into a cheesy game of Spot the Slumming Celebrity.

Look! There’s Charlie Sheen as the US President! Duck!

Sofia Vergara has been custom fit with a machine gun bra!

Don’t rub your eyes! That really is Lady Gaga as a heartless assassin!

Could that be Mel Gibson getting his Doctor Evil on? Why, yes, it is!

Any edge left on the blade for a third Machete? Well, no, there isn’t.