FLASH GARRET AND THE BOYS HAIR OUT IN… THE PERFECT TACO
Chapter 1. Copper Kimono
Low tide. 5pm. The Pass (carpark stairs). Another muted sunset.
Watching dream flavoured green machines roll down the line up like Waikiki; Flash Garret and his boys look business in roughed sleeves and wet swimmers, they’re matching slippers of old dry sand, they’re regulars of the go-by-easy Pass Carpark buzz collective. The coffee shop is very closed… Over there, that’s Flash… not as flaky or flamboyant as you might suppose, and Sammy (The Who) hey Sammy playing the yo-yo with the red glitter star on the side wizzzzzzz wizzzzz wizzzzzz the star spins up and down its string and he knows every trick, Tommy Turntables, clicking with both hands doing the limp knee hip twist to Bach, suddenly turns to Copper Kimono who’s reading Date A Vegetarian Guide, and says hey where’s Cheese Louise? Everyone looks out into the water as a blue and brown mound swirls in the sunset and the speckle of a white shirt blobs down it and pops behind the illusion rings for two… three… five seconds… and rushes back out like a baby-bean shoot, when everyone on the carpark stairs cheers.
See for Flash and the boys (and any more agonizingly funny attempts to maintain dignity in a town that wanted to take it from them) Byron Bay and beyond was sadly the dying metropolis of world-class beachies. These guys couldn’t even get a girlfriend around here anymore let alone a rock bomb from behind the headland without some guy jumping in on them and screaming HELLO in French Canadian.
And so sun sets over rainbow region and our heroes watch her from the car-park stairs, wondering about the power of an eclipse and this still-life in Watercolour, Copper Kimono thinks they should sleep on the beach. Flash reckons some party might get down later on Little Wategoes. Sammy and Cheez eat olives and yoghurt together because their families are both Italian, and somewhere in the mid-east, foul magic is at play.
Chapter 2. Crazy Cat Sleeping Drips Drool like a Saint. - He Who Knew About Kinetic Sand
They crept out of the yellow and tan Urvan on the hillsidse with the moon in what I guess they call hot pursuit and walked around the rocks on low-tide to the little bay (Little Wategoes). Cheez Louise made a fire for the last kiss of Tuesday’s light falling behind the world. Too tired to see the night through, our hero and his usual mod-mob fell into deep sleep amongst the driftwood of dreams.
(When the winds blows it means anything can happen.)
But there’s a big wind happening and a solar eclipse in Leo. Air mysteriso.
A shooting star vomits across the night above Flash and the boys while they dream of summer and Egypt in the Autumn moonlight, warm coals that look like sleeping possums huddle together burning. Guess the party was no go Joe.
Beneath them the sand moved. Kinetic. Grooved around in the earth like a dance. Spiralled soundlessly and dropped in at its centre, gently, magically, the moon watched them with his big eye as Flash and the boys fell through the quicksand.
Chapter 3. A Natural Leader
Copper Kimono smiled to himself in his dream and woke to find them in the middle of the jungle. Rainforest everywhere. Thick glossy green wet palm had replaced the sand at Little Wategoes. The ocean had vanished. The headland and the trees. The stars, the sky. Thick tropical island forest towered around them like a bully brigade or march-on of antique soldiers looking for Jack Nicolson in a war time classic. Bird calls in another language, the sound of wind and sea foreign. Some wild and ( that word again) “mysterioso” shift in the parameters had quite apparently occurred…
Flash led them through the forest. The natural leader. Pushing and pulling and breaking branches in oblivity. Cheez Louise followed still wearing his wetsuit rolled down and fluffy on the inside pads. March of the daffodils. A moment later it cleared and the sea stretched its mouth out and down forever (horizon). The sun fresh and new but gloomy and cool lit the ocean. The boys looked out upon it and noticed something stylish and peculiar. There wasn’t any sand. It just went blue sometimes but mostly green, foliage, then straight to the water. Bizzaro?
Strawberry tree’s, Jaboticaba’s with Huckleberries growing underneath. Yum. Sammy stayed at the water edge eating poison berries and the rest set off around the shore (if we can still call it a shore). TT and Copper, Flash in front, and it wasn’t 5 minutes before they returned to Sammy at the same spot they’d left him eating berries. Though from the opposite side they’d left from…
Chapter 4. The Parallel Universe - Jaboticabas All Over Tree Trunks. Wet and dark. A Unique forest.
It was. It seemed. A perfectly cylindrical island. Jaboticabas and huckleberries all over the tree trunks. Wet and dark. A unique forest. But so were many things.
When off the hanging rock out beyond them broke this one perfect and diamond flavoured green-machine that wrapped around the island to meet itself again on the opposite facing side of the rock. Weird! Then another. And another again. Can you imagine it? I’ll try to draw it for you. Put your coffee cup upside-down on the table in front of you and PUT THAT CIGARRETTE OUT now draw your finger around the cup in circle lines. And that’s what the wave was doing! Like a martian martini. Like a perfect taco. A sign flashed on and off in neon red between the tree’s. On: THE PERFECT TACO, and Off: THE PERFECT TACO. Flash and boys wetsuited and their surface boards hit the cool and milky winter water and rode majestically into the nevercoming sunset forever.
My favourite thing about Kelly Slater is that he never mortgaged his 70-acre heart and instead made wave-pools and wave-pools of emotion commotion in the quaint but starry; surfing world.
“THE BOYS LOOKED OUT UPON IT AND NOTICED SOMETHING STYLISH AND PECULIAR. THERE WASN’T ANY SAND. IT JUST WENT BLUE SOMETIMES BUT MOSTLY GREEN, FOLIAGE, THEN STRAIGHT TO THE WATER. BIZZARO?”
*I should take this time to point out that both Sammy and FG were excellent tennis players, and had it been down to the wire, at any point, there would always be an exiting moment.
Flash tears a hole in the fabric of the universe big enough for a candle eating bush turkey to fit through. And don’t those rocks remind you of stolen kisses at Dolphins years ago?
Opening spread: Flash Garrett Parkes it on the hind quarters in the dunny bowl of confidence. Just like that time a butcher bird swooped from the trees and stole a croissant from his fingertips, gently brushing his lovley’s cheek with its wing. This spread: Afends boys gettin red hot & green crispy snapper stylez.
Josh Sleep, Sam Nolan, Jo Gould, and Jono Salfield Flash Garret, Cheez Louise (California), Sammy the Who, Tommy Turntables, and Copper Kimono.