It works if you work at it
Re “Together forever?” (Sep 20-21): This article by Kristina Olsson was altogether a bit depressing. As a society, have we really resorted to promoting meaningless, loveless sex with strangers as an option for married people to get back some identity and excitement? Realistically, what sort of repercussions to family life and health could eventuate from that lifestyle? Yes, marriage and monogamy are hard work, but anything worth having has to be fought for and worked at. A monogamous marriage does not have to be “sour, resentful, boring and sexless”. Excitement with one person is possible with effort and commitment. Many before us have proven it.
Peggy Niebling, Beaudesert I am by no means an expert on marriage, having celebrated my one-year anniversary in August, but my marriage has already been tested more than most. The birth of our second child brought news of undiagnosed congenital heart defects and open-heart surgery at three days old, with more surgeries to come. On our wedding day, we vowed under our favourite tree to allow the other the space to grow into our most beautiful selves. Interestingly, the part of this article I most related to was the discussion about honest or dishonest relationships. My husband and I actively work on honest communication every single day, especially the difficult days. Our marital, or monogamous, status is not a factor in our commitment to honesty. No relationship is easy, and each deserves to be nurtured in a manner that honours the people in it, whatever form it takes (monogamous, polyamorous, open, or otherwise). I choose to build an exciting, love-filled and spectacular life with my husband and our two saplings, adventuring and growing together. For an article that explored society’s preoccupation with morality, it came across as awfully judgemental. However, thank you, Qweekend, for another thought-provoking article – I always adore the read!
Jessica Cook, Toowoomba I have a real problem with the comments made by [author and couples therapist] Esther Perel and others regarding monogamy in marriage. They make a mockery of what marriage is all about. Marriage vows are to love, honour and be faithful to one person. When you marry, you are no longer only a partner but a husband/wife. Of course people change with the passing years, but it is possible to change together and not apart. Long marriages can and do survive. It is not always easy but, if you cannot commit to and respect the other person, why marry? If you wish to sleep around and have sex with whomever you fancy, then stay single.
Maree Smith, Joyner When there is true love and desire in any relationship, there will always be passion, therefore, wanting to be with that person always. A truly loving partner will always be aware of his or her partner’s desires, thus the sexual union will be totally fulfilling and no desire or craving for anything else. When we have attracted our soul mate, this will be the experience.
June Archer, Laidley Why is monogamy so hard? The short answer is “marriage is only so hard” when we replace “we” with “me”. Marriage is a partnership; it requires team spirit, love that cares, loyalty, commitment and faithfulness. No team lasts long when the players seek their own self-interests with little regard for the effect on others.
Joyce Knights, Indooroopilly Are we becoming a society only concerned about our own selfgratification? No wonder cases of syphilis are on the rise. What sort of message does this send to future generations? I believe in love, respect and, yes, commitment. Marriage, as is life, can be boring at times, but how can having other partners for sexual release during marriage to “fulfil” yourself be of benefit to the marriage? Why marry? Go get a hobby instead, something that doesn’t play Russian roulette with people’s lives.
Kathy Carter, New Beith