Com­bi­na­tion of id­iots fails to play safe

The Courier-Mail - QWeekend - - UPFRONT - MIKE O’CON­NOR

There was that time I checked into a ho­tel room and, over­come by a sud­den and ter­ri­ble thirst, went in search of the cock­tail bar. In­tend­ing to charge the drinks back to my room, I didn’t bother to take my wal­let. This was a mis­take, as while I was im­bib­ing, a ho­tel house­maid helped her­self to my cash. She was ap­pre­hended and the ho­tel man­age­ment made good my loss, the les­son be­ing not to leave valu­ables ly­ing around in ho­tel rooms.

Thus when we found our­selves in a smart ho­tel re­cently, we took care to place our cash and pass­ports in the room safe be­fore go­ing to din­ner. On re­turn­ing, I im­me­di­ately felt some­thing was amiss. “My cam­era!” I cried. “It’s gone.” Then my wife joined the cho­rus. “And where’s my cam­era?” she raged. “And my mo­bile phone? I left them both recharg­ing. We’ve been robbed,” she moaned. “Bas­tards!” I roared. “Let’s get se­cu­rity.” “Thank god we put the pass­ports in the safe,” she said as we headed down­stairs.

“Call them­selves a five-star ho­tel!” I fumed, work­ing my­self into a rage.

“We’ve been robbed,” I an­nounced when we reached the re­cep­tion desk. “I want to see who­ever’s in charge of se­cu­rity.” At that mo­ment, a tall gen­tle­man in a three-piece suit ma­te­ri­alised. “Some­one got into our room and stole our cam­eras and phones,” I told him. “Where did you last see them?” he asked. “In the room,” I said. “On the ta­ble.” “Our house­keep­ing staff,” he said silk­ily, “are in­structed to place any items of value they find ly­ing about in the room in the safe for se­cu­rity rea­sons,” he said.

“Oh,” I said, anger and in­dig­na­tion hiss­ing from me like hot air from a bal­loon. “That’s all right, then. We’ll go and check.”

They were there, of course, power cords neatly wound and safely locked away.

“Do you think he thought we were id­iots?” asked my wife.

“Ab­so­lutely no doubt about it,” I replied.

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