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JONATHAN CAINER

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Dear Jonathan, I was see­ing a Sagit­tar­ian. A month ago he ended things be­cause he liked some­one else and didn’t want to string me along. I mes­saged him last week. Since then he has been adding smi­ley faces at the end of his mes­sages. I don’t know if he likes me again. I asked if he wants to catch up one day. He didn’t re­ply but then he liked my In­sta­gram photo. Jess

Dear Jess, Capricorn/Sagittariu­s is not the eas­i­est re­la­tion­ship to sus­tain. Stay just out of reach but friendly. You need to play a long game here.

ARIES MAR 21–APR 20

Are all weeks cre­ated equal? Are all peo­ple? Such philo­soph­i­cal ques­tions, with in­tense po­lit­i­cal over­tones, can surely only be dis­cussed by highly qual­i­fied peo­ple. I would not be so ar­ro­gant as to as­sume that my mere cer­tifi­cate in astrology gave me any right to make an au­thor­i­ta­tive state­ment. But if I were to ven­ture a hum­ble opin­ion, I might sug­gest that “equal” and “dif­fer­ent” have dis­tinctly sep­a­rate mean­ings. This week, for you, is due to be spe­cial. Very spe­cial. It will yet bring events that glad­den your heart. Are you ready for a brand-new month? Make Septem­ber great! Call 1902 222 500.

TAURUS APR 21 – MAY 21

How are you sup­posed to push the boat out if you have no boat to push? Per­haps you can hang about by the land­ing stage hop­ing that a pass­ing ves­sel will soon dock. If it does, you will be in a good po­si­tion to push it back out again. Or you could de­cide to get proac­tive and cre­ate a big sign that says: “Boats. Feel free to stop here a while. We can help to push you back out!” I’m not re­ally speak­ing in rid­dles. I’m just telling you that this week will yet bring a real rea­son to celebrate, es­pe­cially if you strive to seek your for­tune. Grab your chance to un­der­stand what’s hap­pen­ing. Make Septem­ber great! Call 1902 222 500.

GEMINI MAY 22–JUN 22

Are you re­ally read­ing this? Or are you dream­ing? Your day, so far, may have seemed very real but do we not all, at times, have dreams that are de­cep­tively con­vinc­ing? We may even dream about pinch­ing our­selves to see whether we are asleep or awake and in our slum­ber, we may imag­ine that we have ap­plied such a test! Now, in case you are won­der­ing what I’m driv­ing at with all this, al­low me to ex­plain. It is not that you are due a wake-up call this week. It is more that you will soon see why you need no longer fear a fan­tasy. Your in-depth new Septem­ber forecast has news you’ve got to hear! Call 1902 222 500.

CAN­CER JUN 23–JUL 23

“Where there’s life, there’s hope.” That’s what they say. They also say, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” What a lot of en­cour­ag­ing say­ings they have. Though we may not know ex­actly who “they” are, we can gen­uinely rely on their max­ims and mot­tos to pro­vide us with at least a de­gree of in­sight and wis­dom. That doesn’t mean that they are al­ways right. I spend a lot of my time tak­ing is­sue with some of their say­ings. But with the two quo­ta­tions above, I can find no fault. Re­mem­ber them this week and ex­pect won­der­ful progress. Make the most of Septem­ber! Call 1902 222 500.

LEO JUL 24–AUG 23

We are not all the same. But that doesn’t mean that some of us are bet­ter or worse. We should never seek to score points, or to prove them. We should just ap­pre­ci­ate the things that make each of us dif­fer­ent and spe­cial. A unique com­bi­na­tion of qual­i­ties de­fine you. Re­gard­less of what you may re­gret, you have ev­ery rea­son to be proud of who you are, who you have been and who you are go­ing to be. This week, you will dis­cover why be­ing “just the way you are” has the po­ten­tial to pay such a big div­i­dend. In your new Septem­ber forecast, I’ve got re­ally help­ful news for you. Call 1902 222 500.

VIRGO AUG 24–SEP 23

Re­gard­less of what some folk may seem to think, the pop­u­la­tion does not di­vide into “losers” and “win­ners”. If there are any true losers, they must be the peo­ple who imag­ine that some­how it is pos­si­ble to win! The very mo­ment that we be­come too ea­ger to com­pete, we sac­ri­fice some­thing so pre­cious that no vic­tory can com­pen­sate us for its loss. We give up our sense of per­spec­tive, of com­pas­sion, of em­pa­thy and of com­mon hu­man­ity. In find­ing the strength to back down from a con­flict this week, you be­come a real win­ner. Let me tell you more. Call 1902 222 500.

LIBRA SEP 24–OCT 23

Hav­ing dis­cussed re­cently, the care you take over de­ci­sions, I must men­tion a less of­ten ac­knowl­edged as­pect of your char­ac­ter. When you want to be, when you need to be, when you in­tu­itively feel that it is right to be, you can dis­play all the clas­sic char­ac­ter­is­tics of a fire­brand. You can jump on to your moral high horse and make it gal­lop down the high street of cosy com­pla­cency. This week, you are on a right­ful mis­sion. Those who know what’s best for them, will get out of your way or bet­ter yet, join your posse! Want great news? Let me tell you what’s hap­pen­ing in Septem­ber! Call 1902 222 500.

SCORPIO OCT 24–NOV 22

You know where to draw the line. You are, in­deed, fa­mous for your bound­aries and bar­ri­ers. Or should I say, no­to­ri­ous? You don’t do this, you won’t do that, these are the prin­ci­ples you stick to, those are the eth­i­cal codes from which you will not de­vi­ate. You take a hard line and those who try to per­suade you oth­er­wise, get a hard time. But there are some sit­u­a­tions for which ex­cep­tions may need to be made on the grounds of com­pas­sion or ex­ten­u­at­ing cir­cum­stances. This week, your big con­ces­sion may yet bring a big re­ward. Look­ing for­ward to Septem­ber? You will be soon! Call 1902 222 500.

SAGITTARIU­S NOV 23–DEC 21

You may think you know what you need to do this week, and where you need to go, and why you need to go there. Don’t be too sur­prised if a new de­vel­op­ment, al­most as if from out of the blue, al­ters your per­spec­tive on a press­ing sit­u­a­tion. You prob­a­bly won’t have to aban­don plans but you may have to squeeze more into an al­ready tight sched­ule as you now at­tempt to achieve the near im­pos­si­ble and rise to a brave chal­lenge at the same time. It is a good job that you are made of stern stuff. You will do well. I have just recorded your heart-warm­ing, Septem­ber forecast. Call 1902 222 500.

CAPRICORN DEC 22–JAN 20

Do you feel as if you are edg­ing to­wards a date with des­tiny? It is true, in one sense, that you are. But the phrase has an omi­nous over­tone. There is noth­ing that you now need to be ner­vous of. It is more as if you have long known, in your heart of hearts, that some­thing good would hap­pen one day and that a prob­lem would even­tu­ally be solved. You are fast ap­proach­ing a time when you can tran­scend an old source of trou­ble and start to see your fu­ture in a more in­spir­ing light. You will make im­pres­sive progress this week. It’s time to em­brace the fu­ture. I’ll ex­plain in your new forecast: 1902 222 500.

AQUARIUS JAN 21–FEB 19

Dra­matic ges­tures don’t al­ways need to be… dra­matic! In­deed, as any thes­pian will con­firm, there are times when “less is more”. A silent pause, for ex­am­ple, can be more pow­er­ful than the most elo­quent so­lil­o­quy. Or think about the way that some film di­rec­tors build sus­pense. They don’t show the thing that ev­ery­body is afraid of, they just show peo­ple get­ting ever more afraid of it! The art of sug­ges­tion is a highly ef­fec­tive tool and you may yet be able to use it, this week, to make a sig­nif­i­cant con­struc­tive im­pact. There’s a lot to look for­ward to in Septem­ber. Let me tell you more: 1902 222 500.

PISCES FEB 20–MAR 20

Even the ti­di­est, most min­i­mal­is­tic, house­holds have lit­tle corners of clut­ter in them some­where. They can be hid­den but they can’t be en­tirely erad­i­cated. We all need some­where to keep old keys and strange lit­tle wid­gets which might, one day, be es­sen­tial for op­er­at­ing vi­tal gad­gets. Our minds, too, con­tain nec­es­sar­ily murky re­serves of triv­ial tit­bits. We may not of­ten have much use for these but once in a while, they can save a day. Pre­pare, this week, to be led to a tri­umph by a thing you didn’t know you knew! When you hear your Septem­ber forecast things will change for the bet­ter. Call 1902 222 500.

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