The Courier-Mail

WORDS OF PAIN GIVE MEA­SURE OF HOPE

LOS­ING HUS­BAND ROBIN BAI­LEY OPENS UP ON GRIEF AT

- KATE KYR­I­A­COU NOW, 12 MONTHS ON, I KNOW THERE ARE NO AN­SWERS

“OK, breathe,” Robin Bai­ley be­gan, and broke down at the first word.

In front of her were 1000 words of pain and hope. Of anger and re­gret. Her most per­sonal feel­ings, to share with the world in a voice that strug­gled and failed be­fore charg­ing on.

It was an im­por­tant day, the 97.3 FM ra­dio host ex­plained. It had been a year since her world rup­tured. The day, she said, her hus­band of 15 years took his life.

“I have spent so many hours think­ing about this day, 12 months ago,” a tear­ful Bai­ley said on air yesterday.

“Could I have stopped it? What was dif­fer­ent about the day? Were there signs to pre­dict what lay ahead and why … why would he do this to us, to me, his friends and fam­ily, but mostly the kids. Now, 12 months on, I know there are no an­swers.”

She grasped at tis­sues, wip­ing her eyes, the cord at­tached to her head­phones shak­ing with her body as she strug­gled to read her mes­sage of thanks and re­flec­tion.

“This has changed all of us for­ever and dam­aged the three peo­ple Tony said he loved the most,” Bai­ley said.

“His choices have handed his chil­dren a life sen­tence that they will feel the con­se­quences of their whole lives. It is defin­ing their ado­les­cence and will shape their part­ner choice and how they par­ent their own chil­dren.

“As you can hear, I’m an­gry … an­gry at Tony for not re­al­is­ing the con­se­quences of his ac­tions be­cause we will for a long time to come.”

Bai­ley said she did not want to be­come the “poster girl” for de­pres­sion but she hoped her role as a media iden­tity would help to start con­ver­sa­tions.

She thanked the peo­ple who had helped her along the way.

“It’s hard, re­ally, re­ally hard to watch my chil­dren grap­ple with des­per­ately miss­ing their dad while blam­ing them­selves for his de­ci­sion,” she said.

“In some ways, it is harder now than it was when he first died as the prac­ti­cal stuff is re­solved.

“It’s the emo­tional tsunami that just keeps com­ing and I can­not fill the void that is left and that eats me up as a mum, as I am sup­posed to be the one that can make it all bet­ter, and I just can’t. Hon­estly, it’s tough keep­ing my weapons up as I fight and I fight to pro­tect my kids and find hap­pi­ness.

“Plus I am lonely … at its most ba­sic level I miss be­ing held and shar­ing my day with an adult I love.”

Bai­ley also spoke of the dif­fer­ent stages of grief, in­clud­ing the stage that she hoped she would reach some­day soon: ac­cep­tance and hope.

“As a fam­ily we are not there but I can see the light and know that my boys and I are walk­ing to­wards it.” IF YOU OR ANY­ONE YOU KNOW HAS DE­PRES­SION CON­TACT LIFE­LINE ON 13 11 14 OR VIA THE WEB­SITE

 ??  ?? LAID BARE: Robin Bai­ley and (inset) the an­nouncer can­not con­tain her tears.
LAID BARE: Robin Bai­ley and (inset) the an­nouncer can­not con­tain her tears.

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