DRIVEN BY DE­MAND

FER­RARI? FRANKLY, I DON’T GET THE FUSS. MY CAR CRI­TE­RIA BE­GINS AND ENDS AT SEN­SI­BLE (AND CUPHOLD­ERS, LOTS OF CUPHOLD­ERS)

The Gold Coast Bulletin - Gold Coast Eye - - BEAUTY - WORDS : CHANTAY LO­GAN

My dad just added a preloved Audi to what is rapidly be­com­ing a pri­vate fleet of pur­pose ve­hi­cles he can wheel out for any oc­ca­sion. The old-school soft top for when the sun’s shin­ing, the hard­top con­vert­ible for when it might shower, the growl­ing V8 mon­ster for when he needs to in­tim­i­date po­ten­tial suit­ors for his three daugh­ters, and so on. The habit came to a head when a neigh­bour com­plained — I think they’d spot­ted the alarm­ing num­ber of tarps erected to shel­ter his all-weather car wardrobe and feared some kind of refugee camp.

Be­cause I couldn’t pos­si­bly be sat­is­fied with my com­pletely un­re­mark­able, cook­iecut­ter four-cylin­der sedan, I was of­fered first op­tion on one of the “chil­dren”.

How can I ex­plain to an auto-ad­dict that my car is al­ready ev­ery­thing I ever dreamt of in a car, if I ever (I didn’t) dream of a car?

I want sen­si­ble and re­li­able, be­cause I be­grudge spend­ing the tini­est amount of time or money on some­thing so bor­ingly prac­ti­cal.

Blame it on a child­hood spent in a long, hot slog be­side dusty roads, in the days be­fore mo­biles, in search of a pay phone and RACQ res­cue. Char­ac­ter in a car usu­ally comes at a cost. Touch wood, but my com­pletely char­ac­ter­less car has never failed to get me from A to B with­out un­due po­lice at­ten­tion.

I may need to turn my airconditioning off to muster enough grunt to make it up par­tic­u­larly steep slopes, but I have never wanted for cuphold­ers. You can’t un­der­es­ti­mate the con­ve­nience of hav­ing some­where other than wedged be­tween your knees to store a juice, wa­ter and half-adozen take­away cof­fees in var­i­ous states of con­sump­tion. And I don’t need an en­gine or hy­draulic roof sys­tem tak­ing up the space I use to store a full suite of shoes.

There’s also gen­er­ally no room for other peo­ple, although ver­dict’s out on whether that one’s a pro or a con. De­pends if you like be­ing des­ig­nated driver I guess.

In the vein of many daugh­terly dis­ap­point­ments, I’m stick­ing to my sen­si­ble sedan on this one.

“I NEED TO TURN MY AIRCONDITIONING OFF TO MUSTER ENOUGH GRUNT TO MAKE IT UP PAR­TIC­U­LARLY STEEP SLOPES . . .”

RECKON

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