TO CATCH A THIEF

SOME­BODY LOCK UP THE TOI­LET PA­PER. IN A BUSY OF­FICE, MANY HANDS RE­ALLY DO MAKE LIGHT WORK

The Gold Coast Bulletin - Gold Coast Eye - - FEATURE - WORDS: CHANTAY LO­GAN

There’s a tea­spoon thief in our midst. The cun­ning cut­lery crook is al­leged to have made off with hun­dreds of them from the lunch­room at our of­fice.

Ev­ery time the drawer gets topped up, the mys­te­ri­ous of­fender strikes again.

Sick of stir­ring cof­fee with a dessert spoon and the grow­ing cloud of sus­pi­cion, we con­vened cri­sis talks at the wa­ter cooler.

I sug­gested we take a leaf out of the ever-trust­ing bank’s books and chain the tea­spoons pen-style to the bench.

Af­ter all, toi­let pa­per theft has been sub­stan­tially down since the cleaner started lock­ing up the rolls.

My col­league con­fided he’d been in a sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tion at a for­mer work­place, although it was the far more se­ri­ous of­fence of lunch lift­ing.

The al­leged of­fender was pol­ish­ing of his work­mate’s meals and leav­ing a thankyou note on the empty plate. He was so brazen, he was flaunt­ing it.

One of his vic­tims had had a gut­ful (of not hav­ing a gut­ful) and poured Ep­som salts into a bot­tle of soft drink plas­tered with his name and as­sorted “hands off” warn­ings. Next day, the prime sus­pect called in sick and the lunch reign of terror was over. Just desserts? It de­pends where you draw the line be­tween ev­ery­body-does-it and down­right thiev­ery.

Some fac­tions main­tain a steady sup­ply of pens, pa­per­clips and Post-it notes is im­plied in the fine print of stan­dard salary pack­ages, but for me of­fice food thiev­ery takes the cake … be­cause now it’s get­ting per­sonal.

One could ar­gue the likes of salt, pep­per, mar­garine and Milo be­come dis­puted ter­ri­tory the in­stant they’re left unat­tended – al­most fair game, if you will.

But a roast chook with my name on it? Don’t even think about it.

“NEXT DAY, THE PRIME SUS­PECT CALLED IN SICK AND THE LUNCH REIGN OF TERROR WAS OVER.”

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