Made to or­ders

The Gold Coast Bulletin - Play Magazine - - PLAY -

TOP-SE­CRET doc­u­ment ob­tained by The New York Post lifts the lid on Sacha Baron Co­hen’s lat­est char­ac­ter, Wadiyan leader Gen­eral Aladeen, ahead of the re­lease of his new com­edy, The Dic­ta­tor.

Of­fi­cial ti­tle: His Ex­cel­lency, Gen­eral Colonel Doc­tor Aladeen, Demo­cratic Pres­i­dent-for-life, In­vin­ci­ble and All-tri­umphant Com­man­der, Chief Oph­thal­mol­o­gist, Bril­liant Ge­nius of Hu­man­ity, Ex­cel­lent Swim­mer In­clud­ing But­ter­fly, and Beloved Op­pres­sor and Ruth­less Pro­tec­tor of the Pre­cious and Ex­pend­able Peo­ple of Wadiya.

Birth­day: To­day! The Gen­eral com­mands: ‘‘Just send presents. When choos­ing gifts, re­mem­ber: It’s the price that counts.’’

Age: 30, though looks much older. He claims, ‘‘Any pho­tos you may have seen of Aladeen as a child in the mid-’70s, in­clud­ing a great one of him at the pre­miere of Satur­day Night Fever, were doc­tored by the cor­rupt Zion­ist Western me­dia.’’ Catch­phrase: ‘‘Death to the West!’’ Rise to power: When Aladeen was just a child, his fa­ther Omar died in a tragic hunt­ing ac­ci­dent when he was hit by 97 stray bul­lets and a stray gre­nade. Aladeen suc­ceeded.

Ed­u­ca­tion: Even though he was born with all the world’s knowl­edge in­side his head, he went on to earn 118 doc­toral de­grees from var­i­ous uni­ver­si­ties, in­clud­ing North­west Aladeen State.

Lat­est scan­dal: Walk­ing the red car­pet at this year’s Os­cars, Aladeen ac­ci­den­tally dumped the ashes of North Korean strong­man (and Aladeen’s ten­nis dou­bles part­ner) Kim Jong-il on Ryan Seacrest. Aladeen later joked that it was not the first Asian guy to end up all over Seacrest’s chest.

As­sas­si­na­tion at­tempts: Two, one by poi­soned milk­shake, an­other by ex­plod­ing camel.

Body­guards: A ruth­less crew of 25 fe­male vir­gin women, whose vir­gin­ity he checks ev­ery night.

Favourite celebrity: Mel Gib­son, who heads Wadiya’s Depart­ment of Race Re­la­tions and is on the board of the Mu­seum of In­tol­er­ance.

Ad­vice for other lead­ers: ‘‘When you pay for hook­ers, don’t use the gov­ern­ment credit card. Al­ways cash. I know it’s tempt­ing to put it on the credit card for the air miles, but you have to do what’s right. What I did to Ri­hanna could have flown me around the world 10 times first-class.’’

Hob­bies: In ad­di­tion to be­ing Wadiya’s head, he is also the coun­try’s No.1 drive-time DJ. He also hosts, judges and com­petes in Wadiya’s Next Top Model, which he has won 14 years run­ning.

Favourite films: When Harry Kid­napped Sally and You’ve Got Mail­bomb.

No­table sci­en­tific con­tri­bu­tions: His of­fi­cial bio claims he cre­ated the swine flu vac­cine and dis­cov­ered aerosol cheese.

opens on Wed­nes­day.

Sacha Baron Co­hen in

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