On pa­trol for crimes of fash­ion

Pull over, Of­fi­cer Rivers is about to write you up for mur­der­ing Prada, writes

The Gold Coast Bulletin - Play Magazine - - PLAY TV -

JOAN Rivers loves fash­ion. ‘‘But it should be fun, and some peo­ple take it so se­ri­ously. You want to tell them, ‘Calm down! It’s just a stupid dress!’,’’ she says.

Ah, but if you don’t take it se­ri­ously, there’s a chance you might run afoul of the fab­u­lous Ms Rivers and her fel­low Fash­ion Po­lice of­fi­cers Gi­u­liana Ran­cic, Kelly Os­bourne and Ge­orge Kot­siopou­los, who are now in their sec­ond year of pass­ing judg­ment on poor celebrity cou­ture choices.

One of the most pop­u­lar shows on the pay-tv chan­nel E!, Fash­ion Po­lice has dou­bled in size this year, go­ing from its pre­vi­ous half-hour to a full 60 min­utes, which gives Rivers and her col­leagues many more chances to dish the dirt (and, to be fair, give credit where credit’s due). You’re pro­vid­ing quite the public ser­vice on

Joan. I think what makes our show is we tell the truth. Ev­ery­one’s so scared and so po­lit­i­cally cor­rect – they’re scared to say what they think. But it’s my job to be a critic, to be a re­viewer, and I’m there to say ‘‘Katy Perry looks beau­ti­ful in that but she looks like a moron in that’’ – you have to call them. What’s the ra­tio of good and bad fash­ion on your typ­i­cal red car­pet? 80 per cent good, 20 per cent train wrecks?

That’s about right. It used be 50-50 back when they dressed them­selves, half looked great, half made you go ‘‘Are you out of your mind?’’ Now, though, with ev­ery­one hav­ing stylists, 85 per cent look pretty good. And for the other 15 per cent, you go ‘‘Thank you, God!’’ I used to watch award shows as a girl and as a civil­ian, and I can say you want to see what they’re wear­ing, whether or not they’re drunk and whether they’ve had any plas­tic surgery done. Be­cause it’s not just clothes that

tar­gets, is it? It’s the over­all look.

God, yes. That’s the fun part – when you can say ‘‘OK, let’s see what’s go­ing on here’’. Any­one who has ever seen me on stage knows I tell the truth – so many peo­ple are afraid to say any­thing but on Fash­ion Po­lice we re­ally say what we think. Justin Bieber looks like a les­bian in that out­fit? Say it! You’ve spent a bit of time in Australia. How did our celebs fare in the fash­ion stakes?

I did the Lo­gies a few years ago and they gave me an adorable lit­tle pre­tend Lo­gie that I still have in my of­fice. I re­mem­ber a lot of the women looked fab­u­lous and then you’d see some­one who’d make you think ‘‘Are you out of your mind?’’ They prob­a­bly thought they looked great.

Some­times you don’t have a gay friend to tell you you look stupid. A straight man will say ‘‘Dar­ling, you look great – let’s go’’. A gay friend will tell you to go back and change your out­fit. A straight man doesn’t give a damn as long as it’s low­cut and tight. Has re­port­ing on celebrity cul­ture be­come harder over the years? It seems as though ev­ery­one’s very con­scious of pro­tect­ing their brand.

Some of them are so pro­grammed. ‘‘Oh, we love each other so much on the set’’, when you know they just hate each other – that kind of stuff. But I’m still a fan of celebrity cov­er­age, and the rea­son it’s still work­ing for me at this age, and the rea­son Fash­ion Po­lice is work­ing, is be­cause I’m thrilled when some­one comes out and looks amaz­ing. Con­versely, it’s just as much fun when some­one comes out and looks like an idiot. It makes you feel bet­ter when you look down at your own thighs. You’ve got an ex­tra 30 min­utes per

episode this year, Joan, how are you wield­ing it?

We al­ways had so much ex­tra ma­te­rial that the pow­ers that be at E! gave us all these ex­tra seg­ments, such as Guess Me From Be­hind – you know, whose ass is that? – and one of my all-time favourites, Star­let or Street­walker. We all com­ple­ment one an­other so well. Gi­u­liana is so smart, she al­ways knows who de­signed what, and she’s got a wicked sense of hu­mour. Kelly, God bless her, is a dif­fer­ent gen­er­a­tion who brings a dif­fer­ent per­spec­tive. And Ge­orge is very in­tel­li­gent when it comes to ev­ery­thing stylish. We all like each other. Of course, it’s only our sec­ond year – we’re still in the hon­ey­moon pe­riod. And they all think I’m funny.

6.30pm, E!

Satur­days,

host Joan Rivers.

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