On patrol for crimes of fashion
Pull over, Officer Rivers is about to write you up for murdering Prada, writes
JOAN Rivers loves fashion. ‘‘But it should be fun, and some people take it so seriously. You want to tell them, ‘Calm down! It’s just a stupid dress!’,’’ she says.
Ah, but if you don’t take it seriously, there’s a chance you might run afoul of the fabulous Ms Rivers and her fellow Fashion Police officers Giuliana Rancic, Kelly Osbourne and George Kotsiopoulos, who are now in their second year of passing judgment on poor celebrity couture choices.
One of the most popular shows on the pay-tv channel E!, Fashion Police has doubled in size this year, going from its previous half-hour to a full 60 minutes, which gives Rivers and her colleagues many more chances to dish the dirt (and, to be fair, give credit where credit’s due). You’re providing quite the public service on
Joan. I think what makes our show is we tell the truth. Everyone’s so scared and so politically correct – they’re scared to say what they think. But it’s my job to be a critic, to be a reviewer, and I’m there to say ‘‘Katy Perry looks beautiful in that but she looks like a moron in that’’ – you have to call them. What’s the ratio of good and bad fashion on your typical red carpet? 80 per cent good, 20 per cent train wrecks?
That’s about right. It used be 50-50 back when they dressed themselves, half looked great, half made you go ‘‘Are you out of your mind?’’ Now, though, with everyone having stylists, 85 per cent look pretty good. And for the other 15 per cent, you go ‘‘Thank you, God!’’ I used to watch award shows as a girl and as a civilian, and I can say you want to see what they’re wearing, whether or not they’re drunk and whether they’ve had any plastic surgery done. Because it’s not just clothes that
targets, is it? It’s the overall look.
God, yes. That’s the fun part – when you can say ‘‘OK, let’s see what’s going on here’’. Anyone who has ever seen me on stage knows I tell the truth – so many people are afraid to say anything but on Fashion Police we really say what we think. Justin Bieber looks like a lesbian in that outfit? Say it! You’ve spent a bit of time in Australia. How did our celebs fare in the fashion stakes?
I did the Logies a few years ago and they gave me an adorable little pretend Logie that I still have in my office. I remember a lot of the women looked fabulous and then you’d see someone who’d make you think ‘‘Are you out of your mind?’’ They probably thought they looked great.
Sometimes you don’t have a gay friend to tell you you look stupid. A straight man will say ‘‘Darling, you look great – let’s go’’. A gay friend will tell you to go back and change your outfit. A straight man doesn’t give a damn as long as it’s lowcut and tight. Has reporting on celebrity culture become harder over the years? It seems as though everyone’s very conscious of protecting their brand.
Some of them are so programmed. ‘‘Oh, we love each other so much on the set’’, when you know they just hate each other – that kind of stuff. But I’m still a fan of celebrity coverage, and the reason it’s still working for me at this age, and the reason Fashion Police is working, is because I’m thrilled when someone comes out and looks amazing. Conversely, it’s just as much fun when someone comes out and looks like an idiot. It makes you feel better when you look down at your own thighs. You’ve got an extra 30 minutes per
episode this year, Joan, how are you wielding it?
We always had so much extra material that the powers that be at E! gave us all these extra segments, such as Guess Me From Behind – you know, whose ass is that? – and one of my all-time favourites, Starlet or Streetwalker. We all complement one another so well. Giuliana is so smart, she always knows who designed what, and she’s got a wicked sense of humour. Kelly, God bless her, is a different generation who brings a different perspective. And George is very intelligent when it comes to everything stylish. We all like each other. Of course, it’s only our second year – we’re still in the honeymoon period. And they all think I’m funny.
host Joan Rivers.