Total Recall a total mess
has been dropped from the plot to be replaced by Australia, known as The Colony, in director Len Wiseman’s bloated, effects-heavy remake of the 1990 sci-fi classic Total Recall. Connected by a transport system called The Fall, The Colony and the United Federation of Britain are the only inhabitable places left on Earth. Yes – the three-boobed woman is still here, but Arnold Schwarzenegger and his hilarious oneliners have been replaced by Colin Farrell as factory worker Douglas Quaid. In an effort to spice up his life, Douglas goes to a company called Rekall that offers a mind-trip that makes your dreams feel like real memories. But his joyride as a super-spy is cut short when he kills a group of officers who claim he actually is a spy. When he returns home, he finds his wife Lori (Kate Beckinsale, pictured) is actually a cop determined to kill him. From here, Total Recall is essentially Quaid figuring out if he’s trapped in a nightmare, or really is a spy. A dream seems the only plausible reason for the bad dialogue, messy plot and the constant action, CGI and thumping music. Farrell has neither the likability or believable badass quality of Arnie and the fight sequences are clunky and slow. Bill Nighy appears briefly as the leader of the underground resistance and Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston is the evil Chancellor Cohaagen but it’s Beckinsale and Jessica Biel who come off best in the end.