The Gold Coast Bulletin - Play Magazine - - FRONT PAGE - ROSE SADLEIR

If you are a beard­less per­son in­tend­ing on head­ing along to The Beards’ gig at The Sound­louge tonight, Jo­hann Beardraven has an im­por­tant mes­sage for you:

“If you are go­ing to come, we pre­fer you to stand at the back of the room and re­spectably face away from the stage,” he dead­pans.

“I wouldn’t say beard­less people are wel­come, but they can come. It’s a hard one be­cause we un­der­stand that ev­ery non-beard is a po­ten­tial beard.”

Formed in 2005, the tal­ented Ade­laide quar­tet – made up of Beardraven, John Beard­man Jr, Nathaniel Beard and Facey McS­tub­bling­ton — have grown a name as a hi­lar­i­ous com­edy band who thor­oughly sup­port bearded men and en­cour­age ev­ery­one to grow a beard.

Ev­ery song-ti­tle from their four al­bums con­tains the word “beard”, in­clud­ing in­die ra­dio

favourites If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums and You Should Con­sider Hav­ing Sex with a Bearded Man.

Re­leased in May, the band’s lat­est ef­fort The Beard Al­bum boasts sin­gles All the Bearded

Ladies and There’s A Bearded Man In­side Me.

But Beardraven in­sists The Beards are not jok­ing – and that their mu­si­cal abil­ity was a gift from their beloved fa­cial growth.

“People like to la­bel us as a nov­elty band – but that’s not how we think about it. It’s a way of life. We are do­ing what we be­lieve in,” he says.

“I am just a ves­sel for my beard. I can play any in­stru­ment I try to play be­cause of my beard.”

Half­way through a mam­moth 43-date tour in sup­port of their new “beardi­est al­bum yet”, Beardraven says their mode of trans­port is a 12seater van com­plete with “beard­less min­ions”.

“We don’t want to have a bearded man to our work,” he says.

“We make them do all the heavy lift­ing. We can do it, but we pre­fer to sit around a drink beer while a beard­less guy does it. Them not hav­ing a beard is in it­self enough of a pun­ish­ment.”

Not want­ing people to miss the point of what The Beards are all about, Beardraven says the band will take any chance to spread the bearded mes­sage.

“Any time I am not say­ing the word beard is a waste of time,” he says.

“There aren’t many bands singing about beards ... and we find that a prob­lem.

“We don’t want to be the only ones singing about beards. Bands need to stop singing about love and pol­i­tics. I don’t lis­ten to them. I only lis­ten to our mu­sic.”

As for other things The Beards have in com­mon, Beardraven can’t pin­point an­other mu­tual love they share.

“We don’t re­ally talk about other things. I don’t re­ally like mu­sic that much, it gets in the way of beards,” he says.

“I ac­cept that mu­sic is the ve­hi­cle to get the beard mes­sage out there. We can’t just deliver a ser­mon with­out songs.”

Beardraven says the main dif­fer­ence be­tween the bearded and non-bearded is ob­vi­ous.

“A man who doesn’t have a beard is not re­ally a man. You are a child with­out a beard,” he says.

“We like to show­case a va­ri­ety of beards in the band. There is no com­par­i­son. It’s not about com­pet­ing. It’s a fight against the beard­less, not against each other. There is an un­spo­ken bond be­tween all bearded men.” The Beards play The Sound­lounge tonight.


The Beards (from left) Facey McS­tub­bling­ton, John Beard­man, Jo­hann Beardraven and Nathaniel Beard.

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