A CHINWAG WITH HIT BAND THE BEARDS
If you are a beardless person intending on heading along to The Beards’ gig at The Soundlouge tonight, Johann Beardraven has an important message for you:
“If you are going to come, we prefer you to stand at the back of the room and respectably face away from the stage,” he deadpans.
“I wouldn’t say beardless people are welcome, but they can come. It’s a hard one because we understand that every non-beard is a potential beard.”
Formed in 2005, the talented Adelaide quartet – made up of Beardraven, John Beardman Jr, Nathaniel Beard and Facey McStubblington — have grown a name as a hilarious comedy band who thoroughly support bearded men and encourage everyone to grow a beard.
Every song-title from their four albums contains the word “beard”, including indie radio
favourites If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums and You Should Consider Having Sex with a Bearded Man.
Released in May, the band’s latest effort The Beard Album boasts singles All the Bearded
Ladies and There’s A Bearded Man Inside Me.
But Beardraven insists The Beards are not joking – and that their musical ability was a gift from their beloved facial growth.
“People like to label us as a novelty band – but that’s not how we think about it. It’s a way of life. We are doing what we believe in,” he says.
“I am just a vessel for my beard. I can play any instrument I try to play because of my beard.”
Halfway through a mammoth 43-date tour in support of their new “beardiest album yet”, Beardraven says their mode of transport is a 12seater van complete with “beardless minions”.
“We don’t want to have a bearded man to our work,” he says.
“We make them do all the heavy lifting. We can do it, but we prefer to sit around a drink beer while a beardless guy does it. Them not having a beard is in itself enough of a punishment.”
Not wanting people to miss the point of what The Beards are all about, Beardraven says the band will take any chance to spread the bearded message.
“Any time I am not saying the word beard is a waste of time,” he says.
“There aren’t many bands singing about beards ... and we find that a problem.
“We don’t want to be the only ones singing about beards. Bands need to stop singing about love and politics. I don’t listen to them. I only listen to our music.”
As for other things The Beards have in common, Beardraven can’t pinpoint another mutual love they share.
“We don’t really talk about other things. I don’t really like music that much, it gets in the way of beards,” he says.
“I accept that music is the vehicle to get the beard message out there. We can’t just deliver a sermon without songs.”
Beardraven says the main difference between the bearded and non-bearded is obvious.
“A man who doesn’t have a beard is not really a man. You are a child without a beard,” he says.
“We like to showcase a variety of beards in the band. There is no comparison. It’s not about competing. It’s a fight against the beardless, not against each other. There is an unspoken bond between all bearded men.” The Beards play The Soundlounge tonight.
The Beards (from left) Facey McStubblington, John Beardman, Johann Beardraven and Nathaniel Beard.