The Gold Coast Bulletin - Play Magazine - - FRONT PAGE - SALLY COATES

What have you got in store for us with Satur­day’s shows? It’s ac­tu­ally one of my favourite shows I’ve ever done. It’s just all sto­ries about me and all the dif­fer­ent ways I’ve em­bar­rassed my­self over the past 12 months.

I don’t know if it’s in my na­ture or I’m just un­lucky, but stuff just al­ways seems to hap­pen to me where I just se­ri­ously em­bar­rass my­self, and it’s al­ways in front of a lot of peo­ple.

Like the whole sit­u­a­tion with Jus­tine from MasterChef where I ac­ci­den­tally liked a photo that was 32 weeks old. Every­one stalks but I got caught and I don’t know how I man­aged for my thumb to slip twice. I don’t have the shakes, I wasn’t ner­vous, but on that day my thumb be­trayed me big time. Then the next minute every­one’s call­ing me a creep all over In­sta­gram, there’s ar­ti­cles pop­ping up and it got even worse ... How could it pos­si­bly get any worse? We were film­ing a cook­ing show and we were on lo­ca­tion, co­in­ci­den­tally around the cor­ner from where Jus­tine lives, above a cafe. The guys were like: “Oh, let’s just meet at the cafe”, so I went there and I was wait­ing for every­one for like 20 min­utes.

I was sit­ting un­der her house for 20 min­utes, crouched in the cor­ner try­ing to hide in case she came in or walked past. It’s one thing to stalk on In­sta, but it’s an­other thing to stalk some­one in per­son. You’re so self­less, lay­ing all your embarrassments out to make every­one else feel bet­ter. To be hon­est, I feel like if my heart is beat­ing and I’m ner­vous and have a fear of em­bar­rass­ment, I know that it’s prob­a­bly worth it. What’s the point in me suf­fer­ing in

si­lence? Every­one who comes to my show will feel a lot bet­ter about them­selves. You must have spent a bit of time here on the coast be­ing a Brissy boy? I love the Goldie so much. Be­cause I’m from Bris­bane, go­ing to the Gold Coast was the get­away.

I was five years old, hit­ting up Sea­World Nara Re­sort as every fam­ily in the ‘90s did. The fact that you still have a Siz­zler is tes­ta­ment to it­self.

And who doesn’t want to go to Ri­p­ley’s and spend $58 to stand next to the world’s tallest man? At the end of the day I re­ally, re­ally gen­uinely love the Gold Coast, it cops heaps of un­nec­es­sary s**t. Any wild nights or mem­o­rable mo­ments? I re­mem­ber go­ing to Schoolies when I was in year 11 be­cause my girl­friend was in year 12, and I still cringe.

I’d caught the train down straight af­ter school and turned up to Cavil Ave at the peak of Schoolies in my school uni­form.

Noth­ing says you’re a loser more than be­ing in your school uni­form at Schoolies, and not even your own Schoolies. I might as well have been wear­ing a tar­get say­ing: “Please throw stuff at me.” I saw her; she cringed and said: “Tell me you didn’t wear that all the way here.” That was it. We lasted a week af­ter that. Hope­fully this time around things will go more smoothly. I’m ac­tu­ally com­ing up a day be­fore­hand so I have 24 hours to make an id­iot of my­self and work it into the show. I’m ac­tu­ally re­ally look­ing for­ward to go­ing to Rick Shores, they own a restau­rant called Long­time up in Bris­bane and they’re amaz­ing.

I could ac­tu­ally be keen for an Else­where night. We were on the Gold Coast one time and tried to get in but they wouldn’t let us ‘cause Alex (Dyson) was wear­ing shorts. So we were like: “All good, we’ll go back to the ho­tel and you can put some pants on.” He was like: “I didn’t pack any pants.” He didn’t bring any pants on a two-day trip! You can’t go any­where and not pack pants! So we started the hash­tag #short­sin­da­club to cel­e­brate Alex Dyson not get­ting into Else­where be­cause he didn’t pack any pants. But the real af­ter-party is at The Arts Cen­tre. There’s a se­cret lair that con­nects di­rectly to a brew­ery. That’s where the elite go; it’s a se­cret so­ci­ety. Tu­pac is there, Elvis, Harambe – the best of the best. Let’s talk about your new song. It’s called Take Me Home. I worked with the pro­ducer C1 who’s worked with All­day and ev­ery­thing. It’s kind of an anal­ogy or a metaphor for my re­la­tion­ship with the darker side of com­edy. I’m ner­vous be­cause peo­ple hear “co­me­dian” and they just want joke raps. Like Rod­ney Rude? Yes! So it’s like, I’m re­ally proud be­cause it’s a proper step to­wards mak­ing mu­sic se­ri­ously. It’s def­i­nitely some­thing I think peo­ple are gen­er­ally shocked by.

When they’re lis­ten­ing from the first verse they say: “I can just hear your voice”, but once they get past the fact that it’s me they’re ac­tu­ally dig­ging it. It’s def­i­nitely the first piece of a pretty big puz­zle.

Not ev­ery­thing is a punch­line and the way I see it I just have to think: “Would I be happy with my ac­tions if I died to­mor­row?” Be­cause you could die to­mor­row, you could get hit by a car, so why not get hit by a car that’s pump­ing your tune? Matt Okine, Satur­day, The Arts Cen­tre Gold Coast


Pic­ture: Jeff Cam­den

Matt Okine had an un­for­tunte slip of the thumb on In­sta­gram.

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