OFF THE RECORD

HOW not to win friends and influence people. An organiser of a recent big charity lunch is still shaking her pretty blonde head in disbelief at the antics of an alleged ‘influencer’. It started with a private message on social media asking for tickets. When told that there were only a few left and the cost would be so many shekels the influential one replied. “You don’t understand. I have a gazillion followers so I want the tickets for free and in return I’ll promote the venue and the charity.” Hmm! The organiser politely declined, reckoning quite rightly that cash for the charity is worth much more than a million likes. A POPULAR local lawyer was tired of waiting for action to be taken to evict lawless tenants who were behind in their rent so decided to take matters into his own hands. Ditching his wig and robe and slipping into his super sleuth outfit, he drove to the property one night, being careful to park in a side street, and silently crawled through the bathroom window in order to frighten them and read the riot act. Much to his embarrassment the bungling burglar discovered that not only was the place deserted but inquiries to neighbours revealed that they had packed up and gone for over a month. AT a very special social function a local lovely who regularly appears in our social pages said, “Would you mind removing that spot on my cheek, whiten my teeth, make my eyebrows darker and while you are at it, you might as well make me the big pic on the page. Oh! And while I’ve got you, don’t put so and so in as she is an arch bitch.” “Anything else while we’re at it?” moi answered politely. “Gotcha!” was her answer with a big grin. WE thinks he doth protest too much. We hear that a certain man of note has been loudly and publicly decrying the current spate of sexual harassment cases and surprise pregnancies that have been all over the news of late. His general line is ‘Shame! Shame! Shame!’ and how could they be so immoral. The surprising thing is that female employees of yesteryear will tell anyone that cares to ask that he was well known for his inter-office dalliances. Apparently the office joke was that the ladies in question were staying back after work to help clear his in/ out trays. Maybe he is hoping that if you tell a lie often enough, pretty soon you and everyone else will start to believe it.