Aussie Rules 2018 in Names Only

The Monthly (Australia) - - CONTENTS - by Hugh Robert­son

“Oh, the Hip­wood’s con­nected to the Side­bot­tom …”

Eric Hip­wood, Steele Side­bot­tom, Jor­dan Foote, Jar­ryd Roug­head, Tim Broom­head, Melissa Freck­le­ton, Court­ney Gum, Dayna Cox, Ai­den Bonar

As seen on ‘Bet­ter Homes & Gar­dens’

Timm House, Daniel Wells, Claye Beams, Mitchell Hinge, Ben Keays, Tom Bellcham­bers, Ma­jak Daw, Jack Red­path, James Rose, Ryan Ny­huis, Abbey Holmes

Charis­matic an­ti­hero of a his­tor­i­cal crime se­ries com­ing to a Sun­day night times­lot near you

Curtly Hamp­ton, Flynn Ap­pleby, Doul­ton Lang­lands, Lloyd Meek, Cora Staunton, Char­lie Spargo, Dyson Hep­pell, Darcy Gut­tridge

You’ve heard of Wyn­stan with a Y, now get ready for …

Taylin, Jas­myn, Ky­ron, Ai­dyn, Kait­lyn and Cait­lyn

Cen­time­tre per­fect

Jay­den Short (178 cm), Shane Biggs (187 cm), Ben Long (182 cm), Billy Longer (202 cm)

Names suit­able for the next hip­ster food craze (“You must try the …”)

Kirsty Lamb, Kayle Kirby, Sean Lem­mens, Tait Mack­rill, Matthew Ling, Bai­ley Rice, Deanna Berry, Sam Pow­ell-Pep­per, Devon Smith, Matthew Leuen­berger

Nom­i­nees for the Aliir Aliir Al­lit­er­a­tion Award The an­nual Jar­rad cen­sus

Jar­rad (2, down 2), Jar­ryd (3), Jar­rod (7, up 2), Jared (1), Jar­ryn (1), Dar­ragh (1)

When nom­i­na­tive de­ter­min­ism goes wrong

Josh Caddy, Darcy Gar­diner, Paul Hunter, Zac Fisher, Dan But­ler, Oskar Baker, An­gus Schu­macher, Cal­lum Porter, Ryan Ab­bott, Emma King, Char­lie Con­sta­ble, Lachie Plow­man, Joel Sel­wood, Rhi­an­non Met­calfe

Names suit­able for a 2018 re­boot of ‘Daw­son’s Creek’ or ‘Gos­sip Girl’

Brady Grey, Cal­ista Boyd, Bai­ley Hunt, Hay­ley Wildes, Luke Laven­der, Hunter Clark, Liam Daw­son, Jesse Joyce, Ruby Blair, Gryan Miers

“What fresh calumny is this?”

Cal­lum Mills, Cal­lum Moore, Cal­lum Brown, Cal­lum Sin­clair, Cal­lum Porter, Cal­lum Cole­man-Jones, Cal­lum Ah Chee

Never trust some­one with two first names

Dustin Martin, Bernie Vince, Josh Bruce, Ali­cia Eva, Jack Steven, Ste­fan Martin, Tara Mor­gan, So­phie Casey, Se­bas­tian Ross, Richard Dou­glas, Jamie El­liott, Jess Al­lan, Char­lie Cameron, Emma Grant, Dale Thomas, James Ste­wart, Luke Ryan, Krys­tal Scott

And run, don’t walk, from …

Tilly Lu­cas-Rodd

Car­ry­ing a bit of bag­gage

Hugh McClug­gage

The Orazio Fan­ta­sia Per­pet­ual Tro­phy for Best New Name (joint win­ners)

Bran­don Zerk-Thatcher and Bon­nie Too­good Heath Hock­ing, Ja­maine Jones, Sam Switkowski, Ge­or­gia Gee, Bai­ley Ban­field, Brit­tany Bonnici, Sam Skin­ner, Tim Taranto, Ash­lee Atkins, Will Walker, Shane Sav­age, Alexan­dra An­der­son

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