In Light of Re­cent Events

Par­ents’ Edi­tion

The Monthly (Australia) - - FRONT PAGE - In lIght of re­Cent events by Oslo Davis

Take back your fam­ily! In­tro­duc­ing a NEW ver­sion of Fort­nite that forces you to co­op­er­ate with your spouse to crush your son’s ad­dic­tion to Fort­nite! Money your son stole from your credit card for so-called “gear” (2018–19 FY) Num­ber of shame­less teenage tantrums (to­day) Your son’s grades (2018) Your son’s vi­tals Chat/call op­tions Num­ber of threats re­main­ing: • Cold turkey ban • Turn off heat­ing/AC/power • Change wi-fi pass­word • Post tantrum video to Red­dit • Move to the mid­dle of nowhere, go off the grid and join a cult Num­ber of bribes re­main­ing: • Cash • Fast food • Real-life weaponry • Ac­cess to on­line porn Your psy­cho­log­i­cal lev­els Your mar­i­tal har­mony level Exit op­tions

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