En­joy goal process

The Northern Star - Northern New South Wales Rural Weekly - - News - DEN­NIS J HOIBERG The Re­silience Whis­perer

WANT to lose weight? Want to travel? Want to have a hap­pier re­la­tion­ship? Want to achieve your busi­ness tar­gets? “Set goals” we are told.

I say don’t worry about the end re­sult – fo­cus on what you have to do and how you need to be­have to achieve that goal.

I see so many peo­ple set their goals and then stress out about whether they are able to achieve them.

By all means, set goals. There can be lit­tle ar­gu­ment as to the value of set­ting goals. Our brains need that fo­cus to di­rect our en­er­gies and be­hav­iours.

Let me warn you – set­ting goals is the easy bit.

Some peo­ple will also tell you to set goals and then be pos­i­tive... wrong!

Re­silient peo­ple fo­cus their ac­tiv­i­ties and en­er­gies on the process – not the out­comes.

I be­lieve the most ef­fec­tive think­ing style that sup­ports goal set­ting is what I call be­ing “real­is­ti­cally op­ti­mistic” rather than pos­i­tive.

We have lit­tle or no con­trol over out­comes or re­sults but we have max­i­mum con­trol around what we do.

Break up the jour­ney to­wards your set goals into sec­tions – a long jour­ney starts with a few short steps. Put time lines around each of these steps – make sure they are re­al­is­tic and ac­cept­able to you. Make the time lines chal­leng­ing but not too de­mand­ing – they should chal­lenge you, not stress you.

If it helps, makes sure the first steps are eas­ily achieved so their ac­com­plish­ment boosts your con­fi­dence – bank this con­fi­dence in your “feel­good jar” as some­times along the jour­ney you can make some with­drawals to get you through the more chal­leng­ing times.

Iden­tify how you need to be­have to achieve your goals.

What should your daily rou­tine be? What habits and be­hav­iours do you need to start, stop and keep you mov­ing along the jour­ney?

De­velop the habit of reg­u­larly ask­ing your­self – will this ac­tion or de­ci­sion take me closer to or fur­ther away from my goals?”

If closer, em­brace it – if fur­ther away then ask your­self – “is it worth it?” Can you make a slight de­tour on the jour­ney with­out hav­ing a sub­stan­tial ef­fort on the end re­sult?

What help do you need along the way to re­mind you of your end des­ti­na­tion? We all have strengths as well as ar­eas where we need help and sup­port. What sup­port do you need to achieve your goals?

Is it in the form of other peo­ple – a per­sonal trainer, an ad­vi­sor, or a good friend to keep you on the path? Do you need ad­di­tional skills or knowl­edge and if so where is the best place to get this from?

You are not alone. Be­ing re­silient is about be­ing pre­pared to ask for help and when that help comes along – say­ing yes.

Ac­cept it while ac­knowl­edg­ing karma – what goes around comes around.

It may be you ask­ing for sup­port now but next time it may be other peo­ple ask­ing for sup­port from you.

These are just some of the things you can do to fo­cus on process. Do these things and the world will look after you.

You have no con­trol over an out­come – only the ac­tions you take to achieve it!

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