Richard Col­beck, Claire Chan­dler and Tanya Deni­son. Ed­win Dyga. Peter Cos­grove, Julie Bishop and Alexan­der Downer. Ja­son Falin­ski.

The Saturday Paper - - Contents | The Week - Richard Ack­land

Pen­te­costal­ists are highly re­garded for their abil­ity to speak in tongues, oth­er­wise known as mak­ing un­in­tel­li­gi­ble ut­ter­ances. This may ex­plain why Prime Min­is­ter and Shire clap­per SloMo Mor­ri­son in­sists that elec­tric­ity prices will come down be­cause he has abol­ished what was sup­posed to be Mal­colm Trum­ble’s na­tional en­ergy guar­an­tee.

The NEG promised a price re­duc­tion on av­er­age yearly elec­tric­ity bills of $150, so with­out it non-clap­pers would imag­ine there will be no re­duc­tion in prices un­der the non-NEG regime.

It may be worse than that be­cause the En­ergy Se­cu­rity Board told the gov­ern­ment that with­out a pol­icy such as the NEG an­other $300 over 10 years would be added to power bills.

And nor can we ex­pect the re­new­able en­ergy tar­get to bring prices down by $400, as an­tic­i­pated by the Grat­tan In­sti­tute. This is be­cause the cur­rent non-pol­icy has meant there is no in­vestor cer­tainty and there is no faith that the God-anointed regime can come up with a post-2020 re­new­able tar­get.

Prices al­ready are go­ing up, and look like in­creas­ing fur­ther un­der the di­vine in­spi­ra­tion of SloMo and Tur­bines Tay­lor.

At least na­tiv­ity plays and wish­ing peo­ple Merry Christ­mas will be back in vogue.

Bin­ders full of merit

In Tas­ma­nia, God also moves in mys­te­ri­ous ways. Sen­a­tor Richard Col­beck has been nom­i­nated to top the Nasty Party ticket, with Claire Chan­dler and Tanya Deni­son at sec­ond and third, re­spec­tively.

Women, for good­ness sake. There hasn’t been a Lib­eral woman sen­a­tor from Tas­ma­nia since Jo­ce­lyn Newman, mother of Can-Do Campbell and wife of Ol­lie the Grub, had her back­side on the red leather.

Th­ese de­vel­op­ments are ev­i­dence that Gauleiter Otto Abetz’s in­flu­ence is wan­ing. It was un­der Otto’s suzerainty that Col­beck was rel­e­gated to an un­winnable slot on the ticket for Trum­ble’s 2016 dou­ble dis­so­lu­tion elec­tion, and he only re­turned to the Se­nate on the coat-tails of the section 44 de­par­ture of mor­ti­cian Stephen Parry.

Col­beck was a for­mer fed­eral min­is­ter for forests who tried to get the log­gers and wood­chip­pers into the World Her­itage Area – which is what passes in the Nasty Party for a mod­er­ate. He also had the sup­port in this lat­est round of ticket jostling from the min­is­ter for au pairs, Ben­ito Dut­ton.

A de­pressed Otto Abetz said of the new line-up for the Se­nate: “It’s ab­so­lutely ex­cit­ing.”

The one-tooth and beanie brigade from the hills of Van Diemen’s Land also look like re­turn­ing Jac­qui Lam­bie to the Red Cham­ber.

Ed­die the le­gal

In other mes­sages from the gods, we find that the chief of staff to the Rev­erend, the Honourable Fred Nile, MLC, is busy at the free-speech coal­face.

Ed­win Dyga has writ­ten to the In­sti­tute of Paid Ad­vo­cacy at its Melbourne bunker seek­ing as­sis­tance in the draft­ing of leg­is­la­tion to pro­tect peo­ple who have been “de­plat­formed” from so­cial me­dia sites. This amounts to “cen­sor­ship and os­tracism ... of in­di­vid­u­als who ex­press un­fash­ion­able views ... and is a threat to democ­racy”.

Pre­sum­ably, he is wor­ried that saintly types, such as the un­hinged con­spir­acy the­o­rist Alex Jones of In­fowars, have been ban­ished from Twit­ter.

“I ask the In­sti­tute of Pub­lic Af­fairs whether it can as­sist by pro­vid­ing any ad­vice or in­for­ma­tion that can guide the draft­ing of an ap­pro­pri­ate pol­icy or bill.”

So far “stake­hold­ers” have sug­gested to Ed­win that he con­sider a le­gal frame­work for in­di­vid­u­als who have been un­justly “dis­ap­peared” from the so­cial me­dia scene to “make a com­plaint and seek some form of resti­tu­tion”. Al­ter­na­tively, th­ese com­mu­ni­ca­tion ser­vices could be re­garded as near mo­nop­o­lies “and there­fore pub­lic util­i­ties”.

Ed­win has also been the con­vener of the Sydney Tra­di­tion­al­ist Fo­rum, which is “the first ex­plic­itly pa­le­o­con­ser­va­tive­lean­ing as­so­ci­a­tion in Aus­tralia”. He is also con­cerned with the in­flu­ences of “ef­fem­i­nate ab­stracta” and its in­flu­ence on “re­flex­ive pa­theti­cism” in re­sponses to avoid­able catas­tro­phes.

God­speed, Ed­win.

G-G bingo

What with the Tiger of Ti­mor, Gen­eral Peter Cos­grove, an­nounc­ing he’s leav­ing Yar­ralumla by March next year, the field of con­tenders for gover­nor-gen­eral looks im­pres­sive.

Au­to­mat­i­cally tip­sters are plonk­ing for Dame Julie Bishop, who nat­u­rally would be great at open­ing fetes and at­tend­ing the chukkas with her good­look­ing man-bag. Yet it would not be be­yond pos­si­bil­ity that SloMo is siz­ing up some­one like Adam F. Thomp­son from the Voice of Fire Min­istries.

Af­ter all, Thommo can in­ter­pret dreams and he’d re­ceived a mes­sage from God that if we fail to re-elect Mor­ri­son “there’s go­ing to be dark­ness com­ing”.

Then there’s Philip Rud­dock,

103, who has been on the gravy train with ev­ery job imag­in­able since he was jem­mied out of his par­lia­men­tary seat. If he got the job, it would en­sure that dark­ness had al­ready ar­rived.

Lit­tle Win­ston Howard should not be dis­counted as a prospect. It would be a crown­ing glory for him to be the Queen’s rep­re­sen­ta­tive Down Un­der and there’s plenty of good vin­tage stuff still in the cel­lars to make it worth­while for Lady Janette.

Yet the ir­re­sistible choice, surely, would be Lord Fish­nets Downer, fresh with his hon­orary doc­tor­ate from the Univer­sity of Soft Knocks and his round of mud wrestling with Ge­orge Pa­padopou­los.

Just a few prospects Gad­fly un­der­stands are in the mix. No doubt oth­ers will be flut­ter­ing their eye­lashes and sud­denly ap­pend­ing flags to their lapels.

Ten­der trap

Mishaps in Wagga Wagga are not putting Aunty Gla­dys Bere­jik­lian off her stride. The nor­mal work of her ad­min­is­tra­tion surges ahead. For in­stance, ap­pli­cants have been called to ten­der for a ser­vice funded by her gov­ern­ment, the WDVCAS, or Women’s Do­mes­tic Vi­o­lence Court As­sis­tance Ser­vice.

De­spite the un­wieldy acro­nym, it does good work; how­ever, the ten­der doc­u­ments show that mys­te­ri­ously the word “Women’s” has been dropped from the name of the ser­vice and it is now called the Do­mes­tic Vi­o­lence Court As­sis­tance Ser­vice.

A ten­der as­sess­ment com­mit­tee con­vened on Thurs­day, Septem­ber 13 to as­sess all the ap­pli­ca­tions. Five of the six mem­bers of the as­sess­ment com­mit­tee are from gov­ern­ment de­part­ments or agen­cies, such as le­gal aid, po­lice, trea­sury et cetera. The only NGO in­cluded on the panel is the Sur­vivors and Mates Sup­port Net­work – a ser­vice for men who are the vic­tims of do­mes­tic vi­o­lence.

It was ex­plained to puz­zled

ALP par­lia­men­tar­i­ans at an es­ti­mates com­mit­tee that it would be a “con­flict of in­ter­est” to have a women’s NGO on the panel if the ten­der is for a ser­vice to pro­vide help to women, even though the new name sug­gests it is not en­tirely de­voted to fe­male vic­tims of do­mes­tic vi­o­lence.

Tale wag­ging

As Ben­ito Dut­ton looks as if he is go­ing to ex­plode with fury into tiny pieces all over the ceil­ing of the Bris­bane Po­lice Boys Club, ru­mours are swirling of his time as a Queens­land cop­per.

Most are un­print­able, but I thought this of­fer­ing rather charm­ing:

When he re­tired from the force there was a jolly farewell gath­er­ing with the wal­lop­ers mak­ing fine speeches and pre­sent­ing their de­part­ing col­league with tins of dog food.

It’s a puz­zle. Did Ben­ito have dogs that needed feed­ing, or was this a trib­ute to his char­ac­ter or to a par­tic­u­lar style of polic­ing, or was he re­garded as a mon­grel?

The mys­tery may never be solved.

Be­hind the mask

Al­lur­ing in­vi­ta­tions have been pour­ing into Gad­fly’s bunker and one of the most ir­re­sistible is for the Novem­ber Mas­quer­ade Ball be­ing held by the Mona Vale branch of the Nasty Party at Point House, New­port.

This is Ja­son Falin­ski ter­ri­tory, for­merly held with a te­na­cious grip by Chop­per Bishop.

The dress code is evening dress, “masks com­pul­sory”. In­deed, masks should be com­pul­sory at all Lib­eral Party events, even for Lib­eral MPs when sit­ting in par­lia­ment. It would make stab­bing each other in the back and sides so much eas­ier if the as­sas­sins had their faces dis­guised with fright­en­ing head­gear – although no­tice­ably some are fright­en­ing enough with­out masks.

It’s only $150 a head and Young Lib­er­als can squeeze in for $130. No GST is payable.

Ja­son is in for a busy so­cial whirl. Last month we re­ported that in Oc­to­ber he’s host­ing a Spring Din­ner in Whale Beach where at­ten­dees are re­quired to fork out $150 to lis­ten to Ben­ito Dut­ton.

Trum­pette #86

In Trump’s Amer­ica the 17th an­niver­sary of Septem­ber 11 was un­der way, and a gi­ant hur­ri­cane bear­ing down on the Carolina coast.

The Pussy-Grab­ber-in-Chief started the day with a cou­ple of tweets that some thought not en­tirely in keep­ing with what was hap­pen­ing: “We have found noth­ing to show col­lu­sion be­tween Pres­i­dent Trump & Rus­sia, ab­so­lutely zero, but ev­ery day we get more doc­u­men­ta­tion show­ing col­lu­sion be­tween the FBI & DOJ, the Hil­lary cam­paign, for­eign spies & Rus­sians, in­cred­i­ble.”

That one was straight out of Fox News rants and raves the night be­fore.

Then there was: “Rudy Gi­u­liani did a GREAT job as Mayor of NYC dur­ing the pe­riod of Septem­ber 11th. His lead­er­ship, brav­ery and skill must never be for­got­ten. Rudy is a TRUE WAR­RIOR!”

Yes, Rudy is up there with the he­roes who stopped United Air­lines

Flight 93 plough­ing into the Congress or the White House and in­stead brought it down in a field in Penn­syl­va­nia.

When Trump and his “First” Lady ar­rived at the Penn­syl­va­nia me­mo­rial there was a mighty dis­play of pres­i­den­tial pumped fists and thumbs-up for the as­ton­ished as­sem­bly.

There’s noth­ing quite like solemn an­niver­saries that can be turned into po­lit­i­cal bom­bast.

RICHARD ACK­LAND is the pub­lisher of Jus­tinian. He is The Satur­day Pa­per’s di­ari­s­tat-large and le­gal af­fairs ed­i­tor.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.