Angela Mollard No more Sex please – we’re over it
Thank you Kim Cattrall. Honestly, thank you from the bottom of my jaded heart for kicking Sex and the City into touch. Someone had to do it and your singular refusal to reheat your nymphomaniac alter-ego Samantha is a gift to us all.
Your co-stars were apparently up for a third movie but in an unprecedented display of insight only you could see that another crack at the franchise would be as appealing as a microwaved meat pie.
It may well be that they weren’t prepared to pay you enough, but never mind the detail.
You’ve skewered the idea once and for all, saving us from another serving of the most execrable, contrived, selfindulgent and unfunny cinema since, well, anything by Adam Sandler.
Darl, I know you’re cross with Sarah Jessica Parker for making you look like a demanding diva (I’d have got the shits back when she stole all the best clothes and left you with the ugly power suits).
But lest you doubt your decision here’s 10 reasons why none of us need any more Sex and the City.
1. The second movie was appalling. Set in Abu Dhabi for reasons no one could fathom, Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte came across as lobotomised call girls.
What with the hijab hijinks, the nonsense of Stanford marrying Anthony (they hated each other), and lines such as Samantha’s “He’s Lawrence of my labia”, it was clear that at the very least “Sex” needed the city, not some ludicrous sandscape complete with desert extras.
2. In 2017 women have worked out that owning $40,000 worth of shoes but being unable to pay your rent is not quirky and endearing but utterly foolhardy. In an era when Marie Kondo has prompted us to declutter every cupboard and exposed surface, Carrie having an orgasm over a walkin-wardrobe looks as last century as Joan Collins’s hair.
3. Finding a man is not the life goal of modern women.
Being brilliant at work, earning enough money to support yourself, staying healthy and drinking in adventures rather than cocktails are the preoccupations of a new generation.
What’s more, no self-respecting woman would date a man for years without knowing his real name (see Mr Big aka John).
4. Carrie et al would all be 50-plus by now. If you haven’t found contentment by the time you enter your sixth decade then you’re the problem, not life.
5. Long brunches are to new mothers what golfing is to new dads: not possible. Miranda and Charlotte made a valiant attempt to feign interest in single-girl life post children but you could see that what they really wanted was a cup of tea and a lie down. By themselves.
By now their sprogs would be teens. Acne, door-slamming and wet dreams don’t fit the SATC brand. Although Samantha getting off with Miranda’s son Brady – now 17? – might make a The Graduate- style spin-off.
6. According to an article in The Times this week, scrunchies are back in fashion. Which would mean to be genuinely fashion forward Carrie would have to wear one.
If you remember she spent the best part of an episode in season six declaring that no woman would be caught dead in New York wearing a scrunchie. Awkward.
7. The characters would have to get new jobs even though we barely saw them doing a day’s work.
Social media means no one needs a PR like Samantha, column writers such as Carrie can’t survive on bash- ing out one article a week (trust me, I know) and Charlotte’s gallery assistant job was only ever feasible for pretty girls with rich daddies.
Even Miranda’s law career would be questionable with US graduates suing their law schools for misleading them about postgraduate job availability.
If SATC 3 had got off the ground they’d all have to be “influencers”. Yawn.
8. New York may be one of the world’s coolest cities but what with Trump, the lack of gun laws, weekly massacres, a trigger-happy police force and the neglect of Puerto Rico, America is looking about as desirable as a day-old bagel right now.
Berlin, Reykjavik and Tokyo is where it’s at but SATC does not have great form with going on the road (see point 1).
9. Miranda was the most authentic character and if the series was set in 2017 she would be the protagonist rather than try-hard, selfserving Carrie. As Harling Ross on Man Repeller has pointed out: “Carrie is the equivalent of an over edited Instagram. She is the idea of a person.
“A snapshot. A fragment. Miranda’s authenticity is radical in comparison, and far better suited to our present-day hunger for ‘realness’.” Trouble is redheads don’t rate.
10. No one cares about sex any more. Like plastic in the ocean, the world is awash with it. What we want is mindfulness, decency and meaning. Sadly, Sense in the City doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. email@example.com