Hash­tags are loaded with lies, so per­haps it’s time to in­ject some #re­al­ity

The Sunday Mail (Queensland) - - OPINION -

HASH­TAGS are use­ful things. Stitch a lot of them to­gether and they al­most hide the truth.

Like Vogue mag­a­zine and pay TV shows about ex­pen­sive houses, hash­tags are as­pi­ra­tional – a way of feel­ing like we have the life we want.

Last week, some­one no­ticed a bunch of bo­zos from The Bach­e­lorette tag­ging their pho­tos with hash­tags like #MaleModel in­stead of the more ac­cu­rate #Ap­pren­ticeElec­tri­cian.

At the Mel­bourne Cup, the most used hash­tags in­cluded el­e­gant key­words like #dap­per and #sar­to­rial and #champagne, even though most peo­ple were slumped in pud­dles drink­ing wa­tered-down vodka out of plas­tic tum­blers. But it wouldn’t have matched the glam­our of the day to go with more real­is­tic hash­tags like #WheresMyShoe, #JustPeedInABin and #StoleSome­onesPic­nicBlan­ket AndWoreItAsACape.

In­sta­gram hash­tags have to strike a weird bal­ance be­tween su­per­fi­cial and holis­tic, like #Happy and #Blessed.

Th­ese hash­tags are the big­gest lie. No one is happy and no one feels blessed. Most of the time we feel #bit­ter and #ScrewedOver.

If peo­ple wanted to be more au­then­tic on In­sta­gram, #jeal­ous would be the most used hash­tag.

Jeal­ousy is the most real, com­mon emo­tion, but for some rea­son, we all feel so ashamed to ad­mit it.

Be­ing jeal­ous is the big­gest com­pli­ment you can give some­one. I’m #jeal­ous of other peo­ple’s lives and houses. I’m #jeal­ous of their boyfriends and jobs and per­fect hair.

I’m #jeal­ous of Elle Macpher­son and her tan and cow­boy hats and abil­ity to not feel hun­gry on a 26-hour flight. I’m #jeal­ous of ev­ery­thing about her. I’m even #jeal­ous of the gut­ter in which she stacked.

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