Hashtags are loaded with lies, so perhaps it’s time to inject some #reality
HASHTAGS are useful things. Stitch a lot of them together and they almost hide the truth.
Like Vogue magazine and pay TV shows about expensive houses, hashtags are aspirational – a way of feeling like we have the life we want.
Last week, someone noticed a bunch of bozos from The Bachelorette tagging their photos with hashtags like #MaleModel instead of the more accurate #ApprenticeElectrician.
At the Melbourne Cup, the most used hashtags included elegant keywords like #dapper and #sartorial and #champagne, even though most people were slumped in puddles drinking watered-down vodka out of plastic tumblers. But it wouldn’t have matched the glamour of the day to go with more realistic hashtags like #WheresMyShoe, #JustPeedInABin and #StoleSomeonesPicnicBlanket AndWoreItAsACape.
Instagram hashtags have to strike a weird balance between superficial and holistic, like #Happy and #Blessed.
These hashtags are the biggest lie. No one is happy and no one feels blessed. Most of the time we feel #bitter and #ScrewedOver.
If people wanted to be more authentic on Instagram, #jealous would be the most used hashtag.
Jealousy is the most real, common emotion, but for some reason, we all feel so ashamed to admit it.
Being jealous is the biggest compliment you can give someone. I’m #jealous of other people’s lives and houses. I’m #jealous of their boyfriends and jobs and perfect hair.
I’m #jealous of Elle Macpherson and her tan and cowboy hats and ability to not feel hungry on a 26-hour flight. I’m #jealous of everything about her. I’m even #jealous of the gutter in which she stacked.