What to do when…
WHEN A PARTNER IS MADE REDUNDANT LIFE CAN GET TRICKY. PSYCHOTHERAPIST SUSANNAH PATERSON REVEALS HOW TO TACKLE SEVERAL COMMON SCENARIOS.
1YOUR NEWLY REDUNDANT PARTNER IS DEPRESSED. “It’s normal to be thrown when we lose our job. We might know that it’s not personal, but it’s still a rejection of sorts. People who have a history of rejection in other ways are more vulnerable to being depressed. If the redundancy has been a shock, allow some time for adjustment. Then, try not to panic. It won’t help.” YOU’RE STRUGGLING TO REMAIN POSITIVE ABOUT YOUR PARTNER’S JOB LOSS AND BEGINNING TO FEEL OVERWHELMED. “If the redundancy was some time back and your partner is coming up against some brick walls, being optimistic can become a struggle, particularly if you’re carrying much of the financial burden. It’s now that you might need to consider some outside help such as professional counselling of some kind.” YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT COPING FINANCIALLY. “Of course you’re concerned, but the more worried and stressed you are the worse it will be. It’s easy to say, but it’s vital that you look after yourself. Exercise, eat well and don’t over-indulge in alcohol, cigarettes or any other addictive substance. Learn to meditate. Spend time with supportive family and friends. You’ll most likely still be scared – everyone is – but taking action will help.” YOU’RE BEGINNING TO FEEL RESENTFUL TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER, WHO DOESN’T SEEM TO BE MOVING ON. “It’s important that you don’t bottle these feelings up. If you don’t think your partner is doing everything he or she can do in order to find another job, ask them whether they need help, don’t tell them they do. Say, ‘What can I do to help? What can we do together that might help get us through this? What do you need?’ Their answer should provide you with some direction.” YOU’RE NOT SURE WHAT TO TELL YOUR CHILDREN. “I’m an advocate for honesty, but when it comes to kids you need to ensure that the information is age appropriate. Tell them something that will help them put the redundancy into context. If they’re old enough to understand, perhaps explain that sometimes people lose their jobs. Let them know that the family will get through it. Be reassuring and don’t take your stress out on them.”