men WHAT think REALLY
WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S REALLY ON HIS MIND? YOU MAY BE IN FOR SOME SURPRISES. BY Helen Hawkes.
1 Men want you – for now. “Guys are always shopping around for something better,” says Jesse, a 24-year-old waiter. It’s natural, he says. “They can’t help it.”
Really? Yes, says Barker. “Even when a guy really believes he is with the perfect girl, often he’s still so unsure about his own life and direction that he doesn’t want to close the door to possibility”
Of course this doesn’t mean you might not be with a man for years, or that he doesn’t truly love you. But he looks. See point 6. 2 Men like to respond, not initiate. “ We men like questions,” says Tim, a 42-year-old environmental activist. “ We like to respond, not initiate, unless we think we can get sex or similar out of it.” This is why a guy will never suggest “the relationship talk”. “A man would never say, ‘I think we are having problems. Why don’t we see a counsellor together?’”
So, if you want to know something, don’t wait for him to volunteer the information, ask away. 3 Most guys learn fast that the way to get along is to deny, deny, deny. Not all questions are good. If you
What you are about to read could change the way you think about your relationship forever. Certainly it will change the way you think about men. And, just in case you think you already know what men think and why they behave the way they do, Geoff Barker, author of What’s On A Man’s Mind ( New Holland), says: “You can’t apply women’s logic to men.”
So, if you’re ready for some unvarnished truths, read on.
LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT “THE RELATIONSHIP”
ask whether he was flirting with the hot girl at the office, better not to put him on the spot. ( He was. See point 5.)
“If my wife asks me a loaded question and I answer it truthfully, there is a massive hole that I will fall into with no way to dig myself out,” says Doug, a 33-year-old marketing specialist.
Unfortunately, Barker believes that “getting him used to lying [ about the little things] will set you up for a very big fall”. In other words, practice makes perfect. 4 “I love you” doesn’t mean the same thing to him. “Men love their dog, they love pizza, they love footie and they love their partner,” Barker says. “Ancient Sanskrit has 96 words for love. We have one and we don’t know what you, women, think it means.”
What to do? Look for men who show, not necessarily say, they love you: by fixing your car, calling you out of the blue, or putting your needs before those of their mates.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
5 Most men would like to sleep with someone (much) younger. Even older men, like Stu, a 44-year-old cook, set their sights on women in their 20s.
“Men are primed to desire women who are the most fertile,” he says. “It’s their fantasy to have sex with a young girl. On the whole, lots of guys go for the physical.”
Barker says: “There’s not a man who wouldn’t fantasise about sleeping with an 18-to 24-year-old. But there are also plenty of guys who have little interest in a much younger woman for anything serious. As they get older, mental stimulation becomes as important as anything else.”
That doesn’t mean they give up the fantasy, although they might not act on it for various reasons (see box). 6 All men perv. “Now you ask, we were perving at that girl’s breasts,” says Nick, a 31-year-old architect. “Actually, we’re looking at every girl’s breasts.”
Explains Barker: “Imagine you have been created with a brain designed specifically to experience sexual cues. This base drive is a hardwired, genetic and involuntary urge that is satisfied by visual, physical or mental stimulation, sexual acts imagined or otherwise.”
Enjoying any and all of the above means a man just wants to satisfy his perving urge, Barker says.
MEN BEING MEN
7 Men, by nature, fart. “It’s natural and we like it. Women need not act so disgusted when we happen to do a trouser burp,” says Peter, a 40-year-old real estate agent. 8 They wish women would get to the point. “We think it couldn’t possibly take that long to figure it out,” says Harvey, a 33-year-old technical sales manager. If you want to hold a man’s attention, tell him the punchline first. Most men aren’t metrosexuals. They don’t fret about their waistline or which moisturiser to use. They will, however (according to the guys surveyed), notice if you wear too much make-up, have facial hair, cellulite, or lipstick on your teeth… most of which turns them off. By contrast, they are no longer put off by girls making the first move, such as calling them for a date, or suggesting sex. Although some, like Jesse, feel “it removes the thrill of the chase”. 10 Men are simpler than you think. “We are simple creatures,” Doug says. “Don’t try to overcomplicate things by trying to analyse us.”
Says Barker: “If women took off the rose-coloured glasses, they could see everything they need to know about a man in the first few moments. Men are open books.”