men WHAT think RE­ALLY


The Sunday Telegraph (Sydney) - Body and Soul - - Relationships -

1 Men want you – for now. “Guys are al­ways shop­ping around for some­thing bet­ter,” says Jesse, a 24-year-old waiter. It’s nat­u­ral, he says. “They can’t help it.”

Re­ally? Yes, says Barker. “Even when a guy re­ally be­lieves he is with the per­fect girl, of­ten he’s still so un­sure about his own life and di­rec­tion that he doesn’t want to close the door to pos­si­bil­ity”

Of course this doesn’t mean you might not be with a man for years, or that he doesn’t truly love you. But he looks. See point 6. 2 Men like to re­spond, not ini­ti­ate. “ We men like ques­tions,” says Tim, a 42-year-old en­vi­ron­men­tal ac­tivist. “ We like to re­spond, not ini­ti­ate, un­less we think we can get sex or sim­i­lar out of it.” This is why a guy will never sug­gest “the re­la­tion­ship talk”. “A man would never say, ‘I think we are hav­ing prob­lems. Why don’t we see a coun­sel­lor to­gether?’”

So, if you want to know some­thing, don’t wait for him to vol­un­teer the in­for­ma­tion, ask away. 3 Most guys learn fast that the way to get along is to deny, deny, deny. Not all ques­tions are good. If you

What you are about to read could change the way you think about your re­la­tion­ship for­ever. Cer­tainly it will change the way you think about men. And, just in case you think you al­ready know what men think and why they be­have the way they do, Ge­off Barker, au­thor of What’s On A Man’s Mind ( New Hol­land), says: “You can’t ap­ply women’s logic to men.”

So, if you’re ready for some un­var­nished truths, read on.


ask whether he was flirt­ing with the hot girl at the of­fice, bet­ter not to put him on the spot. ( He was. See point 5.)

“If my wife asks me a loaded ques­tion and I an­swer it truth­fully, there is a mas­sive hole that I will fall into with no way to dig my­self out,” says Doug, a 33-year-old mar­ket­ing spe­cial­ist.

Un­for­tu­nately, Barker be­lieves that “get­ting him used to ly­ing [ about the lit­tle things] will set you up for a very big fall”. In other words, prac­tice makes per­fect. 4 “I love you” doesn’t mean the same thing to him. “Men love their dog, they love pizza, they love footie and they love their part­ner,” Barker says. “An­cient San­skrit has 96 words for love. We have one and we don’t know what you, women, think it means.”

What to do? Look for men who show, not nec­es­sar­ily say, they love you: by fix­ing your car, call­ing you out of the blue, or putting your needs be­fore those of their mates.


5 Most men would like to sleep with some­one (much) younger. Even older men, like Stu, a 44-year-old cook, set their sights on women in their 20s.

“Men are primed to de­sire women who are the most fer­tile,” he says. “It’s their fan­tasy to have sex with a young girl. On the whole, lots of guys go for the phys­i­cal.”

Barker says: “There’s not a man who wouldn’t fan­ta­sise about sleep­ing with an 18-to 24-year-old. But there are also plenty of guys who have lit­tle in­ter­est in a much younger woman for any­thing se­ri­ous. As they get older, men­tal stim­u­la­tion be­comes as im­por­tant as any­thing else.”

That doesn’t mean they give up the fan­tasy, al­though they might not act on it for var­i­ous rea­sons (see box). 6 All men perv. “Now you ask, we were perv­ing at that girl’s breasts,” says Nick, a 31-year-old ar­chi­tect. “Ac­tu­ally, we’re looking at ev­ery girl’s breasts.”

Ex­plains Barker: “Imag­ine you have been cre­ated with a brain de­signed specif­i­cally to ex­pe­ri­ence sex­ual cues. This base drive is a hard­wired, ge­netic and in­vol­un­tary urge that is sat­is­fied by vis­ual, phys­i­cal or men­tal stim­u­la­tion, sex­ual acts imag­ined or oth­er­wise.”

En­joy­ing any and all of the above means a man just wants to sat­isfy his perv­ing urge, Barker says.


7 Men, by na­ture, fart. “It’s nat­u­ral and we like it. Women need not act so dis­gusted when we hap­pen to do a trouser burp,” says Peter, a 40-year-old real es­tate agent. 8 They wish women would get to the point. “We think it couldn’t pos­si­bly take that long to fig­ure it out,” says Har­vey, a 33-year-old tech­ni­cal sales man­ager. If you want to hold a man’s at­ten­tion, tell him the punch­line first. Most men aren’t met­ro­sex­u­als. They don’t fret about their waist­line or which mois­turiser to use. They will, how­ever (ac­cord­ing to the guys sur­veyed), no­tice if you wear too much make-up, have fa­cial hair, cel­lulite, or lip­stick on your teeth… most of which turns them off. By con­trast, they are no longer put off by girls mak­ing the first move, such as call­ing them for a date, or sug­gest­ing sex. Al­though some, like Jesse, feel “it re­moves the thrill of the chase”. 10 Men are sim­pler than you think. “We are sim­ple crea­tures,” Doug says. “Don’t try to over­com­pli­cate things by try­ing to an­a­lyse us.”

Says Barker: “If women took off the rose-coloured glasses, they could see ev­ery­thing they need to know about a man in the first few mo­ments. Men are open books.”

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