Thonged off on holidays
We’re all led to believe that holidays away in paradise, without kids, are a time of fantastic sex where couples go at it like rabbits.
False. The thing a lot of people do is bicker. I bet there would be one bout of good sex for every 10 arguments. Couples are often not used to spending that much time together without distractions. In addition, having to make endless small decisions, such as what to have for dinner, can make them snarky.
On a recent holiday in Bali, my dream of endless, fabulous sex was rudely interrupted by a thong. Thongus Interruptus.
Early in the piece there was lots of lovin’. But on day three a tragic incident. We’d packed the beach bag. For some unknown reason Mr Fabulous decided, while I was in the toilet, to take my thongs out of the bag. Fine if he’d told me. But I’m walking to the beach in my gym shoes, and now want to put on my thongs to walk across boiling hot sand. “Where are my thongs? I’m sure I packed them?” “I took them out.” “What? Huh? Why?” “I was going to tell you but I forgot.” “But why did you take them out?” “They were heavy and sticking out.” (Translation: “I’m sick of always carrying the beach bag.”)
And there under the blue skies of paradise, both of us start singing the couple’s song: “You always … you never … why didn’t you … you are … you are not … I did … I did not …” And of course things are dragged up from 10 years ago.
Resulting Thongus Interruptus: sleeping with backs to each other for a couple of nights until a good ol’ laugh brought us back together. It was the argument we probably had to have to clear the rubbish from the year past. Which is a good thing.
Yes, many couples are loving and giggly, can’t take their hands off each other and attempt sex in the swimming pool (well, haven’t we all?). But there are just as many jaded couples who look utterly bored or irritated, especially in restaurants.
The thing to realise is that it’s normal to be cranky or to fight on holidays. Happy Ever After is a myth. The upset is compounded by thinking you’re the only ones in this festive season bickering or not having sex in the pool.
FOMO (fear of missing out) makes the frustration worse. But it helps to tackle unfinished relationship issues from 2015 and get hidden resentments out the way, to clear the air and start 2016 with a clean slate. So go for it hammer and thongs. Just as long as there’s some great make-up sex after.