Bernard Salt: are you a victim? Ruth Ostrow on wasting time.
My fellow Australians, are you not quite as rich as you deserve to be? I’m sensing the answer might be no. Are you continually overlooked for the promotion you believe you’re entitled to? Do you feel some people get a dream run whereas you have to struggle just to survive?
Are you a victim? Are you a bit hard done by? Because if you are then you should download my latest invention, Salt’s Fault Finding & Blame Shifting wonder app, now available for iPhone and Android. Here’s how it works.
Did you miss out on that promotion? Are you searching for answers as to why you haven’t been as successful as you deserve to be? No worries, I have this market covered. Whip out Salt’s Fault Finding & Blame Shifting wonder app and enter “missed promotion” into the victim field. Scroll through the options and settle on, and then expound to all and sundry, the reason you were dudded. The reason you didn’t get that promotion is your age … your ethnicity … your body shape. All factors beyond your control, of course.
Someone else got that promotion because they sucked up to management … because they had old-school connections … because they were given special attention that you did not get. The marketing genius of my app is that there is no option that says “you weren’t good enough”; “you didn’t work hard enough”; “you have a deluded view as to your commercial value”. Salt’s wonder app tells you what you want to hear. How clever is that!
My fellow middle-aged Australians, are you unlikely to make it onto the rich list this year? Has life dealt you a bit of a rough trot? No worries, whip out Salt’s wonder app and enter “not on rich list” into the victim field and up will pop a series of explanations, none of which will reflect on your ability, intellect or effort. You’re not on this year’s rich list because you didn’t get the break in your 20s that others got … you were held back by a troublesome relationship … (oh, I like this one) you were too loyal to your employer to have struck out on your own … (oh, I like this one even better) you were too responsible to have risked it all to be an entrepreneur.
You are too damn sensible to be really really rich! Complete and utter beatification is an option in the premium version of my app.
Are you an aspiring politician or perhaps a holder of high office in the corporate world? Has something gone awry in the allocation of public monies or investor funds? Is an investment or a piece of infrastructure not quite working as intended? No worries, Salt’s wonder app has a blame-shifting solution. Simply enter “investment/policy not working” into the victim field. For tailored responses enter “politician” or “business executive”. The investment/policy didn’t work because it was a flawed concept pushed beyond the point of no return by a previous administration … because the leftist/rightist media was against it from the start.
Early versions of Salt’s wonder app offered explanations as to why something was a success. Oddly, this option was never used. Apparently no one needs to know why they are successful; it’s because of their superior skill, intellect and effort. But even more oddly, none of the reasons cited for success correlates with the reasons why others say they fail. No one says “I got the promotion because I sucked up to management”. Isn’t that odd?