The secret life of us
Iam thinking of starting a secret society that unites the reprobates and the deplorables who unashamedly revel in the simplicity of their utterly and unrepentantly suburban lives. Not for members of this secret society the oh-so-fashionable inner-city with its cafes and restaurants and high-rise apartments delivering unparalleled urban views.
Do you live in a separate house on a separate block of land that contains a garden and off-street parking? Do you commute to work by car? Did you scrimp and save and make sacrifices to buy and improve your house and block of land? Do you live in a household comprised of what might be described as mum, dad and the kids?
You do? Well, you might like to join my secret society for the celebration of suburban life. We meet monthly in discarded rotundas where we discuss sausage sizzles, kids’ sporting events and secret parking spots at bulk goods outlets. We chat excitedly about our unnatural love of supermarkets – especially a deli section with a well-managed ticketing system – and of new arterial roads where the traffic moves smoothly and efficiently. These are just some of the simple suburban pleasures that innercity folk will never know for they, poor souls, are unable to breathe in what they claim is the thin, fetid, culturally barren air of suburbia.
At my secret society meetings, someone stands up and tells the group what they like most about living in suburbia. I once spoke for 30 minutes to an enthralled audience about the cultural inclusiveness of rollover kerbing in cul-de-sacs. Traditional kerbing is divisive, I argued. It forces cars to remain on the roadway whereas rollover kerbing encourages the sharing of road and nature strip space. I admit that members were puzzled at first but they came around to my way of thinking and we passed a motion endorsing rollover kerbing. So pleased were we with ourselves that we immediately set up a subcommittee to look for further opportunities to improve suburban inclusiveness.
I am beginning to think I should have