Paris does the crime, you pay with time
The Simple Life: ’ Til Death Do Us Part 3pm, Seven
PARIS Hilton’s life sounds like a simple one to me. She’s paid to travel the world, go to parties, get high and have sex. Seems like she’s found the answer to the big question in life: just how does one get paid to do nothing?
Sure, you or I may choose to live differently. Like Karen Walker in Will & Grace , who has ‘‘ pharmacist, driver, pastry cook and gardener’’, I’d have ‘‘ shopper, phone answerer, bill payer and diamond buyer’’. One of my deals would definitely include a driver to avoid any unscheduled court appearances followed by 45 days in prison. Some shades of limelight look good on no one.
But whatever your opinion of the airhead that is the public Hilton, she must be given credit for achieving in her 20s what most people have to wait for until retirement, or until they find a rich husband.
Just how dumb can Hilton be to wheedle bags of money out of people to turn up at the opening of their bar, or the running of the Melbourne Cup? Nobody pays me to go drinking, or to stand in the cold, windy rain of a Melbourne November day.
And to Hilton’s credit, she doesn’t take herself too seriously. Her semireality series The Simple Life, in which she stars with her former best friend Nicole Richie, shows that. The premise of the show is to take Hilton and Richie out of their comfort zones. They are put in unfamiliar situations and filmed stuffing up. Very few of Hilton’s detractors would be willing to humiliate themselves in this way.
While there are some good things to be said about Hilton, this latest series ain’t one of them. The earlier versions at least featured the pair milking cows, flipping burgers or working in a zoo. This series is simply lame and lacks the fun and spirit of adventure of earlier shows. The girls seem to be going through the motions to fulfil their contracts.
The first episode opens with a staged encounter in a coffee shop before launching into their latest realworld encounter, stepping into the scuffed slippers of housewives.
Given they’re not talking to each other, Hilton and Richie take turns being the housewife. But as they are no longer able to egg each other on, it’s up to the producers to stage pathetic pranks. When asked to childproof the house, Hilton retrieves a huge roll of bubble wrap and winds it around all the furniture. Even she’s not that dumb. Our only hope now is The Simple Life: Behind Bars.
Too simple: Paris Hilton, left, and Nicole Richie are unfortunately back on TV