Paris does the crime, you pay with time

The Sim­ple Life: ’ Til Death Do Us Part 3pm, Seven

The Weekend Australian - Review - - Tv - Jus­tine Fer­rari

PARIS Hil­ton’s life sounds like a sim­ple one to me. She’s paid to travel the world, go to par­ties, get high and have sex. Seems like she’s found the an­swer to the big ques­tion in life: just how does one get paid to do noth­ing?

Sure, you or I may choose to live dif­fer­ently. Like Karen Walker in Will & Grace , who has ‘‘ phar­ma­cist, driver, pas­try cook and gar­dener’’, I’d have ‘‘ shop­per, phone an­swerer, bill payer and di­a­mond buyer’’. One of my deals would def­i­nitely in­clude a driver to avoid any un­sched­uled court ap­pear­ances fol­lowed by 45 days in prison. Some shades of lime­light look good on no one.

But what­ever your opin­ion of the air­head that is the pub­lic Hil­ton, she must be given credit for achiev­ing in her 20s what most peo­ple have to wait for un­til re­tire­ment, or un­til they find a rich hus­band.

Just how dumb can Hil­ton be to whee­dle bags of money out of peo­ple to turn up at the open­ing of their bar, or the run­ning of the Melbourne Cup? No­body pays me to go drink­ing, or to stand in the cold, windy rain of a Melbourne Novem­ber day.

And to Hil­ton’s credit, she doesn’t take her­self too se­ri­ously. Her semire­al­ity se­ries The Sim­ple Life, in which she stars with her for­mer best friend Ni­cole Richie, shows that. The premise of the show is to take Hil­ton and Richie out of their com­fort zones. They are put in unfamiliar sit­u­a­tions and filmed stuff­ing up. Very few of Hil­ton’s de­trac­tors would be will­ing to hu­mil­i­ate them­selves in this way.

While there are some good things to be said about Hil­ton, this latest se­ries ain’t one of them. The ear­lier ver­sions at least fea­tured the pair milk­ing cows, flip­ping burg­ers or work­ing in a zoo. This se­ries is sim­ply lame and lacks the fun and spirit of ad­ven­ture of ear­lier shows. The girls seem to be go­ing through the mo­tions to ful­fil their con­tracts.

The first episode opens with a staged en­counter in a cof­fee shop be­fore launch­ing into their latest re­al­world en­counter, step­ping into the scuffed slip­pers of house­wives.

Given they’re not talk­ing to each other, Hil­ton and Richie take turns be­ing the house­wife. But as they are no longer able to egg each other on, it’s up to the pro­duc­ers to stage pa­thetic pranks. When asked to child­proof the house, Hil­ton re­trieves a huge roll of bub­ble wrap and winds it around all the furniture. Even she’s not that dumb. Our only hope now is The Sim­ple Life: Be­hind Bars.

Too sim­ple: Paris Hil­ton, left, and Ni­cole Richie are un­for­tu­nately back on TV

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