Morning advertorials a mournful enterprise
The Morning Show 9am, Seven
IMAGINE: you have two hours to fill, five days a week. You are entering a saturated market, up against KerriAnne Kennerly ( Mornings with Kerri- Anne ) who has been doing what she does for decades on Nine, and, at exactly the same time, 9am with David & Kim on Ten.
And of course, you live in the shadow, as everyone does, of Bert Newton, who presented Good Morning Australia for eleventy million years in the timeslot.
So what do you do? Do you strive for something completely different and hope bored viewers will come along with you? Or do you open the book of morning television cliches and tick all the boxes?
Sadly, there has never been a more generic, paint- by- the- numbers morning program than The Morning Show.
Larry Emdur’s all- smiling, selfamused persona worked a treat on the long- running game show The Price Is Right. But a morning host needs to be, well, something more. As does a morning show.
As their occasional presence on Weekend Sunrise demonstrated, TV’s latest morning couple, Lazza and Kylie Gillies, are really just an extension of the Sunrise family.
All teeth and grinding bonhomie, you can imagine these two grinning at disasters, never forgetting to sparkle for the cameras.
Will you escape the tyranny of the spoken advertorial on The Morning Show? No, Janelle, you won’t. You’d think a satirical character such as Magda Szubanski’s Chenille might have put paid to puerile garbage like this decades ago.
But here are spruikers Glenn and Marty sharing the Moira role ( from Bert’s Good Morning Australia ), pretending for a moment to be finding out why we gain a few kilograms in the winter.
Like those idiots who bark into their headsets in the traffic helicopters on Nine’s Today and on Sunrise , giving you exactly two points of traffic information before launching into their carefully written sponsor’s ad, we are into the most obnoxious kind of hard sell, the kind that pretends to be just another part of The Morning Show .
‘‘ You don’t need to exercise, and you don’t need crash diets to look great,’’ Marty enthuses, with the kind of verbal oil slick required of John Laws’s ads for Valvoline.
‘‘ Sounds almost too good to be true, Marty, what is it?’’ Glenn asks, sounding not for one second as if he doesn’t know what’s coming.
‘‘ It’s the Slim and Lift Supreme, Glenn, and you’ll look kilos thinner in seconds.’’ You can almost hear Marg Downey’s Janelle inhale breathlessly: ‘‘ The Slim and Lift Supreme, Chenille? How does it work?’’
Grinding bonhomie: The Morning Show’s Larry Emdur amd Kylie Gillies