Morn­ing ad­ver­to­ri­als a mourn­ful en­ter­prise

The Morn­ing Show 9am, Seven

The Weekend Australian - Review - - Tv - Ian Cuth­bert­son

IMAG­INE: you have two hours to fill, five days a week. You are en­ter­ing a sat­u­rated mar­ket, up against Ker­ri­Anne Ken­nerly ( Morn­ings with Kerri- Anne ) who has been do­ing what she does for decades on Nine, and, at ex­actly the same time, 9am with David & Kim on Ten.

And of course, you live in the shadow, as ev­ery­one does, of Bert New­ton, who pre­sented Good Morn­ing Aus­tralia for eleventy mil­lion years in the times­lot.

So what do you do? Do you strive for some­thing com­pletely dif­fer­ent and hope bored view­ers will come along with you? Or do you open the book of morn­ing television cliches and tick all the boxes?

Sadly, there has never been a more generic, paint- by- the- num­bers morn­ing pro­gram than The Morn­ing Show.

Larry Em­dur’s all- smil­ing, self­a­mused per­sona worked a treat on the long- run­ning game show The Price Is Right. But a morn­ing host needs to be, well, some­thing more. As does a morn­ing show.

As their oc­ca­sional pres­ence on Week­end Sun­rise demon­strated, TV’s latest morn­ing cou­ple, Lazza and Kylie Gillies, are re­ally just an ex­ten­sion of the Sun­rise fam­ily.

All teeth and grind­ing bon­homie, you can imag­ine th­ese two grin­ning at dis­as­ters, never for­get­ting to sparkle for the cam­eras.

Will you es­cape the tyranny of the spo­ken ad­ver­to­rial on The Morn­ing Show? No, Janelle, you won’t. You’d think a satir­i­cal char­ac­ter such as Magda Szuban­ski’s Che­nille might have put paid to puerile garbage like this decades ago.

But here are spruik­ers Glenn and Marty shar­ing the Moira role ( from Bert’s Good Morn­ing Aus­tralia ), pre­tend­ing for a mo­ment to be find­ing out why we gain a few kilo­grams in the win­ter.

Like those id­iots who bark into their head­sets in the traf­fic he­li­copters on Nine’s To­day and on Sun­rise , giv­ing you ex­actly two points of traf­fic in­for­ma­tion be­fore launch­ing into their care­fully writ­ten spon­sor’s ad, we are into the most ob­nox­ious kind of hard sell, the kind that pre­tends to be just an­other part of The Morn­ing Show .

‘‘ You don’t need to ex­er­cise, and you don’t need crash di­ets to look great,’’ Marty en­thuses, with the kind of ver­bal oil slick re­quired of John Laws’s ads for Valvo­line.

‘‘ Sounds al­most too good to be true, Marty, what is it?’’ Glenn asks, sound­ing not for one sec­ond as if he doesn’t know what’s com­ing.

‘‘ It’s the Slim and Lift Supreme, Glenn, and you’ll look ki­los thin­ner in sec­onds.’’ You can al­most hear Marg Downey’s Janelle in­hale breath­lessly: ‘‘ The Slim and Lift Supreme, Che­nille? How does it work?’’

Grind­ing bon­homie: The Morn­ing Show’s Larry Em­dur amd Kylie Gillies

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