Hollow ring to Belle’s night out
Secret Diary of a Call Girl 10.30pm, Nine
BASED on the book Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl by Belle de Jour, Secret Diary of a Call Girl is anything but a no- holdsbarred look into the life of a London prostitute.
I suspect it’s been sanitised a fair bit from the original, to put it mildly. It’s a bit like Sex and the City , but Belle, played by Billie Piper, is rather less promiscuous than the women in that show and it appears there are some things she just won’t do.
There are other differences between this and Sex and the City. For one, Piper does her narration direct to camera, while Sarah Jessica Parker does hers as voice- over, often as the script for her columns. And of course, this is London, not New York.
Tonight’s episode begins with Belle throwing a few essentials into her bag, and it’s here that Piper slides momentarily into her Doctor Who companion role. What woman would walk out of her home with handcuffs, condoms, spare pants — and a sonic screwdriver — in her bag?
The fastest growing market is the ‘‘ girlfriend for a night’’ service, she says as she goes to meet a man called Ash who, it appears, is married but he and his wife haven’t had sex for five years.
Then she flashes her takings at the camera: 1500 good reasons to do the night shift.
She drifts down out of camera shot, his head jerks back. One orgasm down, 10 hours to go.
Ash bleats about people at work and you begin to sympathise with his wife.
So the rules are: keep the conversation light; no politics, no global warming and no asking the client too many questions about his sex life.
When they get down to it, the sex is in soft focus although there is the odd glimpse of Piper’s nipples to keep you interested.
Some rhythmic breathing, then she’s reading a novel and, later, wandering around like a Dalek looking for an errant Time Lord’s hapless assistant.
She can’t sleep. Why not? Presumably she’s been in the sack all day getting ready for the night shift while he’s been out working for the man to earn her 1500 quid.
She disappears, leaving him a note saying she’s gone to get a fag.
Soon she’s double dipping with another client on old Ash’s time.
Cut to Ash sleeping soundly. Finally, some drama: Ash cuckolded by a hooker. Makes you wonder what his wife is up to.
Ash but no fire: Billie Piper in Secret Diary of a Call Girl