Battleground: Rhino Wars
Sunday, 6.30pm, Animal Planet Relax, this program is about saving rhinos, not killing them. It is the only slightly contrived for television story of four powerfully built exmilitary dudes who take their combat skills to South Africa to try to halt the relentless extermination of the animals by poachers. The first interview is with ex-Navy SEAL Saw. He is brought almost to tears by the sight of his first rhino, unfortunately dead, with horn intact. ‘‘ She still had her horn,’’ he says. ‘‘ The poachers hadn’t even taken [it] so she was a total waste of an animal.’’ Wildlife and giant military men with a sensitive side terrifying gutless poachers. Arresting television. persons. So this one is for the royal watchers out there — an hour of gushing and relentless praise for the attractive young couple who can do no wrong and who have completely revitalised the British monarchy. May they never see the debut episode of Black Mirror, reviewed above. Its allusions to an abducted English princess would likely be too much to bear and far too close to the bone. off the Richter scale. Take Bret Michaels, lead singer of the band Poison. In this episode of a program in which celebrities hunt for houses, Bret invites us into his beautiful home in the Arizona desert where, surprise surprise, a gigantic image of his half-naked self adorns the main living room. Bret likes to sit outside by the pool, ‘‘ because it centres ya’’. But, having outgrown the pad and the pool, he goes house hunting with a Barbie-doll estate agent. First stop, a tasteless cavern of a place. Bret thinks it’s awesome and settles himself in a fireside chair as Geronimo looks down from the wall. ‘‘ People talk about buns of steel,’’ he says, wriggling around a bit. ‘‘ But I like to think I have buns of feel.’’ He means he can sense the spirit of a place with his arse. It appears he can talk through it as well.