Tuesday, 9.30pm, 11 After roughly six years of reviewing television, I finally got reality TV staple The Only Way is Essex recently when I began to see it as the Essex version of Kath & Kim. So I thought I’d lift the bone-crushing weight of my judgment on Geordie Shore to make sure I hadn’t made the same mistake. It’s roughly the same scripted reality thing except it’s all boys with muscles, girls with fake boobs, and absolutely everybody with a spray tan. Well, they do live in Newcastle, England, so of course they all want to look like sun-blasted Los Angeles models. ‘‘ Me main goal is to bang a bird,’’ says sophisticated love-rat James. Jay is a far more complicated fellow. ‘‘ My biggest fear is gettin’ wrinkles,’’ he groans. The rest is all scrag fights and profanity, snogging and groping, betrayal and revenge, mates whining about the girls we see, and girls drooling over nice hair and sexy blue eyes. I’d say the average emotional age of the characters is about 12. No revisions here. Geordie Shore is every bit as awful as I’ve always thought it was.