Suite dreams this festive season
DEARSanta, All I want for Christmas is the perfect hotel room. It needn’t be a five-star penthouse with private lift, bathrooms clad in Chinese onyx and a Murano chandelier twinkling above the grand piano — just a comfy, user-friendly bolthole that doesn’t involve an angry tussle with new technology when trying to open the front door or switch off the arctic aircon.
For starters, please mayI have a proper room key? The old-style type we used to slip into the lock and turn. There’s nothing more infuriating than sprinting to my hotel room, desperate for the loo, only to find I must travel 23 floors back down to the front desk to get my electronic key card reactivated after accidentally letting it get up close and personal with mycredit card.
Some simple light switches would be nice, too. Not an all-in-one electrical board resembling something from the Starship Enterprise that has meopening the blinds and switching on the telly when I just want to turn off the bedside lamp. Andspeaking of lights, could you make sure the bathroom is brighter than a dingy jazz bar? And that it has a makeup mirror on an expandable hinge? For short-sighted types such as me, attempting to apply mascara in front of a distant mirror in a total solar eclipse can have ugly consequences. There should be storage space for mycosmetics bag, too, and a separate shower, not a shower head-over-the-tub arrangement.
Under no circumstances should mybathroom and toilet be enclosed by flimsy frosted glass walls that leave nothing to the imagination. I love myhusband, but there need to be some secrets in a marriage. I’d like a minibar, too, but when it comes to pricing that miniature bottle of fizz or Toblerone, don’t take the mick, St Nic. Anddon’t even think about one of those nasty contraptions that automatically adds the cost to your room bill if you accidentally move an item to fit in the slice of cheesecake you just bought down the road.
They say less is more, but not when it comes to coathangers. Please ensure I amsupplied with more than three. Afull-sized mirror on the back of the door will also go some way to avoiding unfortunate wardrobe malfunctions. AndI’m happy for you to keep the (goodquality) hairdryer in mybedside drawer — anything but one of those unwieldy things attached to the bathroom wall that requires the on switch to be depressed at all times while I try to dry myhair with myonefree hand.
As for communications, I’d like myWiFi access free, please. If the coffee house down the road can offer me that for the price of a small skim latte, the hotel on which I’ll likely be forking out hundreds of dollars can surely rise to the occasion. And on the subject of rising . . . Breakfast (included in myroomtariff, of course). Any chance you could stretch the window of opportunity to, say, midday? It’s a holiday and I’d be grateful for a lie-in. Yours hopefully,
Susan Kurosawa is on assignment.