Suite dreams this fes­tive sea­son

The Weekend Australian - Travel - - Travel & Indulgence - MICHELLE ROWE

DEARSanta, All I want for Christ­mas is the per­fect ho­tel room. It needn’t be a five-star pent­house with pri­vate lift, bath­rooms clad in Chi­nese onyx and a Mu­rano chan­de­lier twin­kling above the grand pi­ano — just a comfy, user-friendly bolt­hole that doesn’t in­volve an an­gry tus­sle with new tech­nol­ogy when try­ing to open the front door or switch off the arc­tic air­con.

For starters, please mayI have a proper room key? The old-style type we used to slip into the lock and turn. There’s noth­ing more in­fu­ri­at­ing than sprint­ing to my ho­tel room, des­per­ate for the loo, only to find I must travel 23 floors back down to the front desk to get my elec­tronic key card re­ac­ti­vated af­ter ac­ci­den­tally let­ting it get up close and per­sonal with my­credit card.

Some sim­ple light switches would be nice, too. Not an all-in-one elec­tri­cal board re­sem­bling some­thing from the Star­ship En­ter­prise that has meopen­ing the blinds and switch­ing on the telly when I just want to turn off the bed­side lamp. And­speak­ing of lights, could you make sure the bath­room is brighter than a dingy jazz bar? And that it has a makeup mir­ror on an ex­pand­able hinge? For short-sighted types such as me, at­tempt­ing to ap­ply mas­cara in front of a dis­tant mir­ror in a to­tal so­lar eclipse can have ugly con­se­quences. There should be stor­age space for my­cos­met­ics bag, too, and a sep­a­rate shower, not a shower head-over-the-tub ar­range­ment.

Un­der no cir­cum­stances should my­bath­room and toi­let be en­closed by flimsy frosted glass walls that leave noth­ing to the imag­i­na­tion. I love my­hus­band, but there need to be some se­crets in a mar­riage. I’d like a mini­bar, too, but when it comes to pric­ing that minia­ture bot­tle of fizz or Toblerone, don’t take the mick, St Nic. And­don’t even think about one of those nasty con­trap­tions that au­to­mat­i­cally adds the cost to your room bill if you ac­ci­den­tally move an item to fit in the slice of cheese­cake you just bought down the road.

They say less is more, but not when it comes to coathang­ers. Please en­sure I am­sup­plied with more than three. Afull-sized mir­ror on the back of the door will also go some way to avoid­ing un­for­tu­nate wardrobe mal­func­tions. AndI’m happy for you to keep the (goodqual­ity) hairdryer in mybed­side drawer — any­thing but one of those un­wieldy things at­tached to the bath­room wall that re­quires the on switch to be de­pressed at all times while I try to dry my­hair with my­one­free hand.

As for com­mu­ni­ca­tions, I’d like myWiFi ac­cess free, please. If the cof­fee house down the road can of­fer me that for the price of a small skim latte, the ho­tel on which I’ll likely be fork­ing out hun­dreds of dol­lars can surely rise to the oc­ca­sion. And on the sub­ject of ris­ing . . . Break­fast (in­cluded in my­room­tar­iff, of course). Any chance you could stretch the win­dow of op­por­tu­nity to, say, mid­day? It’s a hol­i­day and I’d be grate­ful for a lie-in. Yours hope­fully,


Su­san Kurosawa is on as­sign­ment.

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