Re­flec­tion of our time

The Weekend Post - - News -

ARE you vain? Do you stand be­fore the mir­ror ev­ery morn­ing and bask in the glory that is you? Lus­cious hair, long, lean legs, flat stom­ach and a butt that would never look too big in any­thing: “You are smokin’ hot to­day. Go get ‘em!” Have you ever walked down the street and caught a glimpse of your­self in a shop win­dow? Per­haps ad­mired the way your T-shirt flut­tered across your burly chest and how your thongs made your feet look fit for a fetish. Or have you lin­gered in the work bath­room be­fore a meet­ing just that lit­tle bit longer than nec­es­sary, just so that you could pull off that per­fect hair toss or Blue Steel look when the ideal time called for such a killer move? Go on. I’m sure you’ve done it. Are you there­fore van­ity’s slave? Prob­a­bly not. Maybe just con­fi­dent, com­fort­able and con­sci­en­tious.

Now, have you taken a photo of your­self do­ing any of that? Ahh the selfie, one of the great gifts of the tech­no­log­i­cal age. Taketh a photo of thy self preen­ing like a pea­cock — and then sat­u­rate so­cial me­dia with it. Upon a visit to our fine La­goon last Sun­day with Bub I was slapped in the eye with many dis­plays of mod­ern van­ity am­pli­fied by the 21st cen­tury’s “talk­ing mir­ror”.

“Mo­bile phone, mo­bile phone, who is the fairest of all to­day at the La­goon?”

“Why you fair maiden in the black and white striped bikini. You have gone above and be­yond van­ity.

“I have been im­pressed by you and your fine friend there who gladly slipped into the cool wa­ter with her phone to take pic­tures of you sit­ting like Princess Ariel (mi­nus the mer­maid tail) on the side of the pool, tak­ing a selfie of your­self that Kim Kar­dashian would be proud of.

“Oops, don’t break your pretty lit­tle back while stick­ing those pointy bits in that poor child’s eyes.”

“Thank you mo­bile phone I do look FAB­U­LOUS to­day, dar­ling.”

I was con­flicted as I splashed away with my cherub in my not-at-all sexy black rashie and white board shorts.

I didn’t know whether to ad­mire this woman’s self-con­fi­dence, con­demn her van­ity or pity her need for at­ten­tion.

Here I was think­ing the me­dia was at fault for body im­age is­sues all these years, the weight of guilt heavy on my heart.

An over­whelm­ing sense of re­lief washed over me. A new force has well and truly set­tled in our lives. We can now blame all the ug­li­ness of anorexia, bulimia, obe­sity and gen­er­ally all nar­cis­sis­tic be­hav­iour on mo­bile phones and so­cial me­dia.

Quickly, we must ban them. Throw them into the La­goon. There, we are safe from harm and im­ages of per­fec­tion.

Time now to get back to the im­por­tant things in life.

“Hey Bub, want to do som­er­saults?”

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