Toi­let fights

Pub­lic bath­room rum­bles…

Total Film - - Contents -

The top 10 bog bat­tles.

THE WORLD’S END

Heads will roll when a group of school mates re­u­nit­ing for a bevvy down the lo­cal are in­ter­rupted mid-flow. Lit­er­ally. As the ro­botic gang of youths at­tack, Gary (Si­mon Pegg) and gang fight with all the en­ter­tain­ing fi­nesse of mid­dle-aged sub­ur­ban­ites.

TER­MI­NA­TOR 3: RISE OF THE MA­CHINES

Ter­mi­na­tor vs Ter­mi­na­tor was never go­ing to be a clean fight as the T100 and T-X mash each other into the floor, walls, basins and bogs, re­sult­ing in porce­lain ar­maged­don. A hell of a mess for the cleaner.

M:I – FALL­OUT

In a film so crammed full of stunts, this bru­tal smash-up be­tween Hunt (The Cruiser), CIA prick Walker (Henry Cav­ill) and Mr. Lark (Liang Yang) in a Parisian pis­soir still im­presses. Mostly be­cause Cav­ill smashes his op­po­nent through walls like a hu­man ice-breaker.

THE WARRIORS

The shirt­less Warriors face off against the roller-skat­ing, dun­ga­ree-wear­ing Punks in a New York sub­way bog in a ruckus that avoids the bath­room cliché of smash­ing a toi­let seat or sink. Just old-school fisticuffs, with some added base­ball bats. Clas­sic.

HARRY POT­TER AND THE HALFBLOOD PRINCE

HP fol­lows Mal­foy into the lit­tle boys’ room to con­front him over poi­soned mead and both wizards get their wands out. Not like that. It doesn’t take Harry long to have Mal­foy cry­ing in a pud­dle.

TRUE LIES

Arnie tog­gles seam­lessly from tak­ing a leak to de­stroy­ing a lav when as­sas­sins ar­rive to off him. Faucets spray, uri­nals crum­ble, stalls are bul­let-pep­pered and an el­derly gent tak­ing a dump is dis­turbed. “Sorry about dis,” Sch­warzeneg­ger of­fers.

NINJA AS­SAS­SIN

The one with all the ar­te­rial spray. While our other en­tries here keep the pot­ties largely claret-free (if not even nearly in­tact), this bath­room bat­ter­ing sends gore up the walls and stalls as as­sas­sin Raizo (Rain) offs a hench­man with a knife and uri­nal. Bloody hell.

CASINO ROYALE

Bond was rein­vented as gritty with Daniel Craig’s bow as 007. How did we know? Be­cause he was fight­ing dirty, in the gents, in grainy black and white. He even does the sig­na­ture gun bar­rel ti­tles shot sans tux and in front of wipe clean tiles. Shit just got real.

THE RAID 2

How many men can you fit in­side one prison cu­bi­cle? Quite a lot, ap­par­ently, at least if you’re Iko Uwais’ un­der­cover fight­ing ma­chine, Rama, who ex­pertly hands a ri­ot­ing mob their asses. Rem­i­nis­cent of try­ing to get quiet time in shared stu­dent hous­ing…

LIAR LIAR

Good Jim Carrey fights Bad Jim Carrey for body and mind with all the weapons at his dis­posal in a court­house john. Toi­let seat head­lock, check. Squirty soap in the eyes, check. Ra­di­a­tor to the knee, check. There’s no as­sailant re­quired for this toi­let hu­mour. JC

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