Public bathroom rumbles…
The top 10 bog battles.
THE WORLD’S END
Heads will roll when a group of school mates reuniting for a bevvy down the local are interrupted mid-flow. Literally. As the robotic gang of youths attack, Gary (Simon Pegg) and gang fight with all the entertaining finesse of middle-aged suburbanites.
TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
Terminator vs Terminator was never going to be a clean fight as the T100 and T-X mash each other into the floor, walls, basins and bogs, resulting in porcelain armageddon. A hell of a mess for the cleaner.
M:I – FALLOUT
In a film so crammed full of stunts, this brutal smash-up between Hunt (The Cruiser), CIA prick Walker (Henry Cavill) and Mr. Lark (Liang Yang) in a Parisian pissoir still impresses. Mostly because Cavill smashes his opponent through walls like a human ice-breaker.
The shirtless Warriors face off against the roller-skating, dungaree-wearing Punks in a New York subway bog in a ruckus that avoids the bathroom cliché of smashing a toilet seat or sink. Just old-school fisticuffs, with some added baseball bats. Classic.
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALFBLOOD PRINCE
HP follows Malfoy into the little boys’ room to confront him over poisoned mead and both wizards get their wands out. Not like that. It doesn’t take Harry long to have Malfoy crying in a puddle.
Arnie toggles seamlessly from taking a leak to destroying a lav when assassins arrive to off him. Faucets spray, urinals crumble, stalls are bullet-peppered and an elderly gent taking a dump is disturbed. “Sorry about dis,” Schwarzenegger offers.
The one with all the arterial spray. While our other entries here keep the potties largely claret-free (if not even nearly intact), this bathroom battering sends gore up the walls and stalls as assassin Raizo (Rain) offs a henchman with a knife and urinal. Bloody hell.
Bond was reinvented as gritty with Daniel Craig’s bow as 007. How did we know? Because he was fighting dirty, in the gents, in grainy black and white. He even does the signature gun barrel titles shot sans tux and in front of wipe clean tiles. Shit just got real.
THE RAID 2
How many men can you fit inside one prison cubicle? Quite a lot, apparently, at least if you’re Iko Uwais’ undercover fighting machine, Rama, who expertly hands a rioting mob their asses. Reminiscent of trying to get quiet time in shared student housing…
Good Jim Carrey fights Bad Jim Carrey for body and mind with all the weapons at his disposal in a courthouse john. Toilet seat headlock, check. Squirty soap in the eyes, check. Radiator to the knee, check. There’s no assailant required for this toilet humour. JC