STAR LET­TER

Total Film - - Dialogue - THOMAS EL­LIS, VIA EMAIL DOUG TSENG, SIN­GA­PORE

While mes­sag­ing my wife in re­gard to ar­rang­ing a cin­ema trip, I couldn’t help but laugh at pre­dic­tive text chang­ing the ti­tle to Ant-Man And The Scot­tish Woman. This led me to test other Avengers; re­sults in­cluded Iron Man And His Dog, Cap­tain Amer­ica And Europe (the an­swer to Brexit?!), The Hulk To Do It All Wrong, Thor Is The For­bid­den Fruit, Black Wi­dow The Right Set Of Wheels To Fight, Hawk­eye And His Own Cof­fee Beans, Vi­sion For A Bit More Meat and Black Pan­ther Party In Brum. Could be some op­tions if they run out of ideas, post-Avengers 4. I like the idea of Tony play­ing with his dog then full-on los­ing his shit à la John Wick when it’s killed by some big bad. JOHN HOR­TON, TAM­WORTH …And the good news for dog lovers is that Rover would be res­ur­rected one movie later, pos­si­bly with rocket paws. Di­a­logue’s own pre­dic­tive take on the MCU yielded In­dig­nity War, Guardians Of The Gap, Spi­der-Man: Fid­dling (well, he is still a young man) and the ral­ly­ing cry, ‘Amanda for­ever!’ Yeah, we might leave the film­mak­ing to Feige. John and ev­ery­one with a let­ter here will re­ceive a copy of – what are the chances? - Avengers: In­fin­ity War, out now on Dig­i­tal HD, 4k Ul­tra HD, 3D Blu-ray, Blu-ray and DVD, via Dis­ney. Didn’t send an ad­dress? Email it! It’s about Thanos, The Mad Tiramisu.

SHARK-MAIL-DO

This is a film for the fam­ily, says Ja­son Statham in your mag­a­zine [TF275]. And there’s the prob­lem.

I’m sorry, a film that’s about a 70ft shark shouldn’t be for the fam­ily. That was a bit of a let-down for me and, it seems, a lot of other peo­ple. I’m no mas­sive Eli Roth fan but his R-rated ver­sion would have been bet­ter. I came home and watched Jaws – now that is a movie. DEV OR­TON, LEEDS

Iwas ap­pre­hen­sive about Ja­son Statham’s Walk­ing With Di­nosaurs re­make The Meg, and when I en­tered the cin­ema, some­thing def­i­nitely smelled a bit fishy. Thank­fully, that was just the feet of the per­son next to me. The film turned out to be quite an en­joy­able romp. I am a bit wor­ried about my visit to the sea-life cen­tre next week, though.

In your fea­ture on The Meg you say “Li Bing­bing, per­haps best know in the West as Blink in X-Men: Days Of Fu­ture Past…” Guess what? You got the wrong Bing­bing – that’s FAN Bing­bing. Li Bing­bing was in Res­i­dent Evil: Ret­ri­bu­tion and Trans­form­ers: Age Of Ex­tinc­tion. Sin­cere apolo­gies for the name mixup; the re­spon­si­ble par­ties have been made to watch Shark­to­pus Vs Whale­wolf on a loop (ac­tu­ally, that might not be pu­n­ish­ment for one of said par­ties). Not un­like the beast it­self, The Meg seems to have split view­ers down the mid­dle; love it or laugh at it, it’s gob­bled enough dol­lars for a se­quel or three. Are we go­ing to see Mog in the next one?

WIN­NIE-THE-BOO!

Heeeeere’s Win­nie!” Is it just me or does the trailer for Christo­pher Robin have a hor­ror-movie vibe about it? You know, what with Ewan McGre­gor’s per­ma­nently wor­ried face and the pos­sessed-look­ing old stuffed toys, with their malev­o­lent, glassyeyed stares… I re­mem­ber Pooh, Tig­ger, Piglet and Eey­ore as a cud­dly bunch, but this lot just seemed to be a bit creepy. It felt more like, um… Cabin In The Hun­dred Acre Woods?! JACKY H, VIA EMAIL We get where you’re com­ing from, but re­ally, there’s noth­ing to worry about; the film re­ally set­tles into a warm, honey-sweet fam­ily groove.

group tExt Pan­ther’s taken a few lib­er­ties with his plus one to the brum party; spidey was busy, ap­par­ently…

Fall­ing for Pooh’s di­ver­sion, chris never saw eey­ore com­ing…

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