THE EMOJI MOVIE (G) There are no words ... , US, 85 min
Come back, The Angry Birds Movie, you 2016 cartoon calamity. Not only is all forgiven. You are a paragon of taste, restraint and higher learning when compared to this year’s apptrocity leaping from phone screen to big screen. Yes, The Emoji Movie is here, and yes, it is a feature film dramatising the wacky exploits of those playful pictograms through which much of the world communicates. The most convenient way to review this soulless, cynical and strikingly unfunny animated comedy would be to simply print one big poop emoji. However, the filmmakers went ahead and made that fragrant fellow a key character in the story - and somehow persuaded Patrick Stewart to voice him - so that is out of the question. Is there an emoji of someone thumping a ticket counter demanding their money back? That would be perfect. Unless a 2018 release date is announced for The Fidget Spinner Movie, surely this is as low as kids’ entertainment can go?