Oc­tag­o­nal Char­lie has lost it

Townsville Bulletin - - Inside Today - Kath­leen Skene kath­leen. skene@ townsville­bul­letin. com. au

IT’S not nice to joke about peo­ple who’ve died – crikey, it’s down­right in­sen­si­tive.

But to­day, I’ll make an ex­cep­tion for co­caine-vac­uum of the week Char­lie Sheen. He’s not quite dead yet – not while I’m writ­ing this any­way – but if there’s any bets run­ning on which celebrity will cark it next, the Two and A Half Men star would be on short odds.

Peo­ple al­ways seem to be ready with the jokes when a celebrity dies. Re­mem­ber the Ghost ref­er­ences af­ter Pa­trick Swayze dirty danced his way into the grave?

This week’s Sheen cir­cus has also shown that it’s ap­par­ently ac­cept­able to make fun of some­one who has an ob­vi­ous men­tal ill­ness – as long as they’re rich and fa­mous.

When Sheen in­evitably does stag­ger into the af­ter­life – with or with­out an en­tourage of porn stars – you can bet you’ll re­ceive an SMS within min­utes about his ‘‘ Two And A Half Per­son­al­i­ties’’.

And he sure seems to be a pud­ding short of Christ­mas. Which is prob­a­bly why the greedy US me­dia has been climb­ing over each other to get him on their shows.

‘‘ Dy­ing’s for fools,’’ he said ear­lier this week. He also told a telly host who sug­gested he might have bipo­lar that he was ‘‘ bi-win­ning’’, and claimed his ‘‘ fangs were drip­ping tiger blood’’ af­ter he lost cus­tody of his two youngest kids.

Of his sit­com co-cre­ator Chuck Lorre he wrote: ‘‘ I wish him noth­ing but pain in his silly trav­els es­pe­cially if they wind up in my oc­tagon. Clearly I have de­feated this earth­worm with my words – imag­ine what I would have done with my fire breath­ing fists.’’

Earth­worm? Oc­tagon? Fire­breath­ing fists? This stuff is bet­ter than any­thing his writers have ever come up with.

It’s notable that his TV bosses didn’t ditch him un­til he bad-mouthed them on TV and said their wives were ugly.

They were will­ing to keep pay­ing him $ 2 mil­lion an episode when he was as­sault­ing his wife and per­form­ing var­i­ous other sub­stance-fu­elled pub­lic an­tics.

‘‘ I am on a drug – it’s called Char­lie Sheen,’’ the star said ear­lier this week. One mil­lion fol­low­ers of his twit­ter feed show that drug is ad­dic­tive. Frankly, I don’t see the ap­peal.

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