Who’s re­ally in Sheen’s cor­ner?

Townsville Bulletin - - Savvy - by Kel­lie Smith-Lester

Char­lie Sheen has got a new show. Seen it yet? It’s called Sheen’s Korner. When it streamed live over the in­ter­net it opened with 100,000 view­ers. Sadly that num­ber dwin­dled to five by the end of the show but in­ex­pli­ca­bly it has since drawn over 2 mil­lion view­ers.

So what does Char­lie Sheen fea­ture on a show about him­self? Why he flashes his new tat­too, which says ‘ win­ning’, fea­tures fart noises as spe­cial ef­fects, and re­cites very bad po­etry. By the show’s con­clu­sion even Sheen ad­mit­ted that it ‘‘ was trea­sonous to the move­ment’’.

Not quite sure what that means, but then I don’t un­der­stand half of what Char­lie Sheen says.

I was one of the 2 mil­lion peo­ple that signed up to his twit­ter ac­count just so that I could un­der­stand him more. Ac­tu­ally I’m a sheep and do what ev­ery­one else does, but my first rea­son is no­bler.

I’m re­ally lik­ing his tweets fea­tur­ing tiger blood, Ado­nis DNA and fire-breath­ing fists. But, then I got a bit con­fused with all the trolls, warlocks and apoc­a­lypses.

There has also been a lot of com­ings and go­ings at Sheen Lodge. The po­lice have re­moved his in­fant sons and his PR agent has quit, but he’s shacked up with two God­desses and he’s just em­ployed an in­tern to take care of all his so­cial me­dia com­mit­ments.

I’m lov­ing the God­desses – so shades of Hugh Hefner. God­dess 1 is a bikini model and God­dess 2 is a porn star. She’s a bit flighty the porn star. She left him this week and then came back. Ap­par­ently her mother is wor­ried about her. Mum’s do worry, don’t they? Mum doesn’t worry that G2 is a porn star though, she’s just con­cerned about what a bad in­flu­ence Char­lie Sheen is.

There might be some­thing in that though. Let’s be frank – he’s not a very nice man to women. He shot Kelly Pre­ston, beat up two porn stars and his last two wives have taken out re­strain­ing or­ders against him – that’ll hap­pen when you pull a knife. Of course Sheen says that they are all just liars and trolls.

Poor Char­lie. He doesn’t know whether he’s a misog­y­nist or just plain mis­un­der­stood.

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