Bed­time sto­ries

Savvy sex­ol­o­gist Dr Frances Quirk an­swers your per­sonal, sex­ual and re­la­tion­ship ques­tions

Townsville Bulletin - - Savvy - email ques­tions to francesquirk@ gmail. com

Ques­tion: My girl­friend wants us to try out a new lu­bri­cant that is sup­posed to be for couples. It comes in a pack with a tube for him and a tube for her and claims that it will im­prove sen­sa­tion and in­ti­macy! I am a bit con­cerned for two rea­son­sone be­cause I think these things are just a con and a way of get­ting peo­ple to spend money on stuff they don’t need and two be­cause maybe it means my girl­friend isn’t get­ting enough out of the sex we do have so needs to spice it up! What would be in a prod­uct like this that would in­crease sen­sa­tion? Da­mon An­swer: Lubri­cants can be use­ful to de­crease fric­tion or fa­cil­i­tate pen­e­tra­tion if a part­ner tends not to be very wet or to help make mas­tur­ba­tion more pleas­ant and re­duce the risk of dam­ag­ing del­i­cate tis­sue. Some lubri­cants in­clude sub­stances that can pro­duce a sen­sa­tion on the skin and the most com­monly in­cluded is men­thol, which re­sults in a tin­gling, cool sen­sa­tion. Most peo­ple find this quite pleas­ant and as the tin­gling is very sim­i­lar to the sen­sa­tions associated with sex­ual arousal it tends to be ex­pe­ri­enced as im­prov­ing arousal. If, as a cou­ple, you have dis­cussed us­ing a lu­bri­cant that you will both ap­ply then it is quite likely to mean that you are talk­ing about your sex life and happy enough with each other to ex­per­i­ment a lit­tle. The re­sult of that is quite pos­si­bly feel­ing a lit­tle closer and en­joy­ing sex more – just check first that nei­ther of you is al­ler­gic to any of the con­tents! Ques­tion: My part­ner seems to be a bit body ob­sessed but not with mine, with his! He is very fo­cused on his weight and waist size and gets up­set if his weight goes over a par­tic­u­lar value or he has to ad­just his belt a notch. He gets so up­set that he re­fuses to have sex with me un­less he feels ’ happy’ with his body! This hap­pens quite of­ten. I thought it was sup­posed to be women who were all caught up in body im­age stuff but he is worse than any of my girlfriends, he weighs him­self ev­ery day and makes ex­cuses not to go out if he thinks his weight is over his ’ ac­cept­able’ limit. He asks me all the time if I think his body is sexy and I al­ways say yes be­cause he does have a fab­u­lous body, he does a lot of ex­er­cise and gym ses­sions ev­ery day. I am just wor­ried that his ob­ses­sion is get­ting in the way of our re­la­tion­ship. Debs An­swer: Over concern with weight and shape can be a prob­lem for both men and women and can go hand in hand with be­hav­iours and think­ing that lead to a neg­a­tive im­pact on other as­pects of life. When any be­hav­iour or pat­tern of think­ing starts to af­fect those around us, our so­cial lives or work lives, then we might need to take a step back and con­sider what we are do­ing. Your part­ner may not be so aware that this be­hav­iour is a concern to you and you might want to start with gen­tly bring­ing this up – what con­cerns you about his be­hav­iour and the im­pact it has for you. If he is will­ing to talk to you about it and see that there are some ef­fects on your re­la­tion­ship then sug­gest­ing he talk to a health pro­fes­sional or that you go to­gether would be use­ful. Over concern with weight and shape is of­ten associated with disor­dered eat­ing be­hav­iour and/ or be­hav­iours to main­tain weight loss like over-ex­er­cis­ing or di­etary re­stric­tion and hav­ing an in­creased fo­cus on one­self can lead to dif­fi­cul­ties in main­tain­ing close re­la­tion­ships and main­tain­ing a so­cial life.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.