Is it re­ally cheat­ing?

Here’s some clues about whether you’ve crossed the line, writes Gi­u­lia Si­molo of Askmen. com

Townsville Bulletin - - Savvy -

The first thought that comes to mind when some­one men­tions cheat­ing is prob­a­bly sex. But cheat­ing can be much more com­pli­cated than that. When it comes to emo­tional cheat­ing, or cy­ber­sex, in­sist­ing to your girl­friend or wife that you ‘‘ didn’t even have sex’’ isn’t ex­actly go­ing to pol­ish your halo. The play­ing field has opened up, cre­at­ing some se­ri­ous grey ar­eas. Is con­fid­ing in a woman other than your part­ner cheat­ing? Or per­haps that lap dance you en­joyed last night?

Read on to dis­cover if you are, in fact, cheat­ing. Get­ting a lap dance You’re out with the boys or at a bach­e­lor party, and a gy­rat­ing sex god­dess de­cides to give you a lap dance. It’s a bit of good fun that you en­joyed, and you’d prob­a­bly do it again in the fu­ture. Are you cheat­ing? No. There’s noth­ing in­ti­mate about this cheat­ing sign, de­spite its ap­pear­ance. It’s along the same lines as a male strip­per amus­ing the girls — just in­no­cent fun. This woman dances for a liv­ing, just for en­ter­tain­ment pur­poses; it’s not like you were at a club and got se­duced by a woman who took you aside and en­gaged in any­thing sex­ual. Hid­ing fe­male friend­ships You’re a guy who has fe­male friends who are im­por­tant to you. How­ever, you don’t nec­es­sar­ily want to talk about your fe­male friends with your girl­friend be­cause she is pos­ses­sive and might tell you to break off your friend­ships. Are you cheat­ing? Yes. Sorry to say, but you’re ba­si­cally sneak­ing around be­hind your girl­friend’s back. Al­though it’s not overtly sex­ual, the fact is you’re still keep­ing things se­cret from her. We don’t want to sound like Dr. Phil, but that’s never healthy, be­cause se­crecy can be a form of be­trayal. You might want to ask your­self what you think you have to hide if you’re hid­ing friend­ships from your girl­friend.

Get­ting deep with an­other woman

There are some things you find your­self talk­ing about with an­other woman — maybe it’s your re­la­tion­ship, maybe it’s some­thing about your girl­friend that’s frus­trat­ing to you. It’s not that you can’t talk to your girl­friend, but some things you just feel more com­fort­able talk­ing about with peo­ple out­side of the re­la­tion­ship. Are you cheat­ing? No. Just be­cause you’re talk­ing to an­other woman, it doesn’t mean that she re­sem­bles Eva Lon­go­ria or sparks feel­ings within you. The lat­ter is key, here — con­fid­ing and shar­ing im­por­tant com­mu­ni­ca­tion with an­other woman is not cheat­ing un­less you have real feel­ings for her that are of a ro­man­tic na­ture. That’s where the emo­tional in­fi­delity comes in.

Not spec­i­fy­ing Face­book re­la­tion­ship sta­tus

Al­though you’re taken and spo­ken for, you have not up­dated your re­la­tion­ship sta­tus on Face­book. It still de­clares to any will­ing eyes that wish to rove over your pro­file that you’re a sin­gle man. Are you cheat­ing? No. Who says you have to let your en­tire ex­tended net­work in on your pri­vate af­fairs? A lot of peo­ple don’t like to men­tion too many de­tails about their lives on­line, and it’s un­der­stand­able, es­pe­cially if you have pro­fes­sional con­tacts or nosy rel­a­tives on your friends list. This isn’t a cheat­ing sign; this is sim­ply main­tain­ing a bit of per­sonal dis­cre­tion.

Dancing closely with an­other woman

An awe­some beat comes on and you find your­self with an­other woman on the dance floor at a club. You have a good time, but can feel your girl­friend’s jeal­ous eyes on you. Are you cheat­ing? No. It’s just a dance, for cry­ing out loud. OK, so maybe it in­volved some gy­rat­ing and close­ness, but it’s not like you were stripped down to your un­der­wear. There’s no rea­son why your girl­friend should get an­gry over this.

Chat rooms or cy­ber­sex

You reg­u­larly visit on­line chat rooms and have con­ver­sa­tions ( along with some flirt­ing) with var­i­ous women whom you do not know. Once or twice you might even have had cy­ber­sex. It’s no big­gie: it’s not like you know these women in real life or ac­tu­ally touched them. Are you cheat­ing? Yes. Al­though this sce­nario might first ap­pear to be harm­less fun be­cause you’re not phys­i­cally en­gag­ing with women, it does clas­sify as cheat­ing be­cause of the fol­low­ing: Firstly, if you’re hid­ing it from your part­ner, it’s be­cause you know she’ll be up­set. Se­condly, you are go­ing out­side your re­la­tion­ship for sex­ual ex­cite­ment. Hid­ing meet­ings with your ex You and your ex are not ro­man­ti­cally in­ter­ested in each other any­more and some­times meet up for drinks af­ter work. Purely in­no­cent, yes, but you have not told your girl­friend for the sim­ple rea­son that you fear she won’t un­der­stand. Are you cheat­ing? Yes. Re­gard­less of why you have not dis­closed the info to your girl­friend, you are do­ing some­thing that you wouldn’t do with her knowl­edge. The se­crecy is the prob­lem in this sce­nario be­cause it’s keep­ing your girl­friend in the dark so you can have your cake and eat it too — even if the cherry on

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