Chang­ing your mind is a snip . . . some­times

Townsville Bulletin - - Inside Today - Colin Pearce colin. pearce@ townsville­bul­letin. com. au townsville­bul­letin. com. au

My son-in-law has had the snip. I hear you say; what’s so spe­cial about that?

And you’re right. Lots of blokes do it. Per­son­ally, I couldn’t. The very idea makes my eyes wa­ter as I adopt the foetal po­si­tion with my hands locked be­tween my legs.

And that’s only be­cause of the pain. I also couldn’t do it be­cause I could never be sure – that I didn’t want more chil­dren.

Not very likely, I know, and even ir­re­spon­si­ble, given the en­vi­ron­men­tal im­pact my present five chil­dren and nine grand­chil­dren are hav­ing on the planet. But you never know.

And that’s the point; be­cause not only has my son-in-law had the snip; but also, while I write this on my lap­top in the wait­ing room, he’s in surgery be­ing joined to­gether again. He changed his mind. But chang­ing your mind isn’t as sim­ple as mak­ing it up in the first place.

Note the ter­mi­nol­ogy: " had the snip". The im­pli­ca­tion is that all it takes is a mere ges­ture with a pair of scis­sors and sud­denly you’re so­cially ac­cept­able, es­pe­cially around fer­tile women.

But they never men­tion that the re­con­nec­tion costs $ 10,000, takes three hours, may not be suc­cess­ful, and you’re awake through the whole sur­gi­cal pro­ce­dure.

The small print doesn’t say whether this last point is nec­es­sary med­i­cally, or just a pun­ish­ment.

Why am I here, wait­ing for him? He asked me. It’s a sur­prise for his wife ( my daugh­ter) who de­cided that I’m not busy enough with nine grand­chil­dren.

I hope he knows what he’s do­ing. It’s a fine thing to wish for more chil­dren when it’s not pos­si­ble – it may not seem such a good idea when you sud­denly dis­cover that you can.

I haven’t asked him the per­sonal de­tails, but I won­der what he plans to do from here?

Say noth­ing, per­haps? And when she dis­cov­ers she’s hav­ing twins, leap naked from be­hind the couch, wav­ing his scars and shout­ing " sur­prise!"?

Or ac­cuse her of in­fi­delity and watch her squirm for a few days? I daren’t ask. Be­sides, I have prob­lems of my own. I thought my last grand­child was my last grand­child.

Then my el­dest son an­nounced he was preg­nant again, by proxy of course.

That’s go­ing to make it 10. Now there’s the very real prospect of hav­ing a soc­cer team.

But I don’t re­ally like soc­cer. Now we’ve got this far we might as well go for the footy team.

I won’t tell my son-in-law that yet. I’ll wait till the scars heal.

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