junk ( f) email
Looking for a laugh but don’t have time to open up the spam cluttering up your email? Spam junkie Andy Toulson is a serial emailer and we’ve put her talents for recognising the ridiculous to good use. Each week she filters out the rubbish and presents the
The biker and the lion
A BIKER is passing the Washington zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her jacket and tries to pull her inside, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker runs to the cage and punches the lion on the nose. Whimpering, the lion lets go of the girl, and the biker reunites her with her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the event. He goes up to the biker and says: ‘‘ Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’’ The biker replies: ‘‘ Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted.’’ The reporter says: ‘‘ Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page . . . so, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’’ The biker replies: ‘‘ I’m a US Marine and a Republican.’’ The journalist nods and leaves. The next day the biker sees the paper’s front page: ‘‘ US Marine assaults African immigrant and steals his lunch’’.
University entrance exam for jocks
Time limit: 3 weeks ( This joke is having a go at sports jocks who apply at the Institute of Sport . . .)
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: ( a) build a bridge ( b) sail the ocean ( c) lead an army or ( d) write a play
4. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 metres?
5. What religion is the Pope? ( a) Jewish ( b) Catholic ( c) Hindu ( d) Polish ( e) Agnostic 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given ( roughly)? 8. What are people in America’s far north called? ( a) Westerners ( b) Southerners ( c) Northerners 9. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. 10. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity? ( a) yes ( b) no You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify.
Something has crashed on my computer and the mouse is missing