10 tacky things that should be a crime

Townsville Bulletin - - Savvy -

Ihave a tacky list. It’s quite long and con­tains things that no right-minded per­son would ever do be­cause they’re well – tacky. Things like dou­ble denim. Fash­ion ex­perts can tell me all they like that dou­ble denim is back but it won’t change my mind. I don’t care if Justin Tim­ber­lake does it, it’s a truly bad idea. So here is an abridged ver­sion of my list.

1. Nail art. Oh, it’s aw­ful. Taste­ful and nail art should never be used in the same sen­tence. The lovely Viet­namese girls at my nail shop try to talk me into this all the time. I have no prob­lem say­ing no.

2. Too much an­i­mal print. One thing can be an­i­mal print. Just one thing. Not a skirt, a chif­fon blouse, a coat and hand­bag. Aw­ful. If you re­ally want to look very tacky then ig­nore what I’ve said and add a gen­er­ous coat­ing of red lip­stick and false lashes.

3. Paired part­ner out­fits. You think it’s cute when your boyfriend’s tie is the ex­act shade of your evening dress. You are very wrong.

4. Match­ing ear­rings, neck­lace and bracelet. Too much matchy matchy is just plain tacky tacky.

5. Ugg boots and shorts. Sorry, just screams trailer trash. It’s a mixed mes­sage. Ugg boots cold weather, shorts sum­mer. Too easy.

6. Tramp stamps. Seemed so dar­ing when you did it, but now ev­ery sub­ur­ban house­wife at yoga is sport­ing one. Tacky and ubiq­ui­tous.

7. Skunk hair. Black and white hair only looks cute on ze­bras.

8. Doves at wed­dings. Oh I hate this. Where do the doves go? Just say a hawk flies down and grabs one. This can­not bode well for wed­ded bliss.

9. Peo­ple who tell you how much they earn, how much their house/ watch/ jew­ellery costs. Walk away from the con­ver­sa­tion. This per­son is not some­one with whom you wish to pur­sue a re­la­tion­ship with on any level.

10. San­dals with socks. This ap­plies to any­one older than two. If you are a par­ent who does this to your chil­dren then stop – it’s bor­der­line child abuse. If you are an adult there may be no hope.

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