10 tacky things that should be a crime
Ihave a tacky list. It’s quite long and contains things that no right-minded person would ever do because they’re well – tacky. Things like double denim. Fashion experts can tell me all they like that double denim is back but it won’t change my mind. I don’t care if Justin Timberlake does it, it’s a truly bad idea. So here is an abridged version of my list.
1. Nail art. Oh, it’s awful. Tasteful and nail art should never be used in the same sentence. The lovely Vietnamese girls at my nail shop try to talk me into this all the time. I have no problem saying no.
2. Too much animal print. One thing can be animal print. Just one thing. Not a skirt, a chiffon blouse, a coat and handbag. Awful. If you really want to look very tacky then ignore what I’ve said and add a generous coating of red lipstick and false lashes.
3. Paired partner outfits. You think it’s cute when your boyfriend’s tie is the exact shade of your evening dress. You are very wrong.
4. Matching earrings, necklace and bracelet. Too much matchy matchy is just plain tacky tacky.
5. Ugg boots and shorts. Sorry, just screams trailer trash. It’s a mixed message. Ugg boots cold weather, shorts summer. Too easy.
6. Tramp stamps. Seemed so daring when you did it, but now every suburban housewife at yoga is sporting one. Tacky and ubiquitous.
7. Skunk hair. Black and white hair only looks cute on zebras.
8. Doves at weddings. Oh I hate this. Where do the doves go? Just say a hawk flies down and grabs one. This cannot bode well for wedded bliss.
9. People who tell you how much they earn, how much their house/ watch/ jewellery costs. Walk away from the conversation. This person is not someone with whom you wish to pursue a relationship with on any level.
10. Sandals with socks. This applies to anyone older than two. If you are a parent who does this to your children then stop – it’s borderline child abuse. If you are an adult there may be no hope.