Zo­diac fore­casts

Hi Jonathan, Pas­sion­ate Scor­pios see the amaz­ing heart- shaped im­ages on the new Pluto photos as fur­ther proof that we are cor­rectly ruled by Pluto! Lorraine. Hi Jonathan, Space probe New Hori­zons cap­tures the energy of Pluto through its ob­ser­va­tions, the

Townsville Bulletin - - LIFESTYLE - With Jonathan Cainer What sign are you? Find out FREE at www. cainer. com www. cainer. com Tele­topia. Max call cost $ 1.32 per minute, in­clud­ing GST. Higher charges from mo­biles/ pay­phones may ap­ply. Cus­tomer care: 1300 366 702


Mar 20 – Apr 19

There is safety in num­bers. We in­tu­itively un­der­stand this. It is why we stick to­gether, ral­ly­ing around points of broad agree­ment, even if we dif­fer on the de­tail. And if some of that de­tail turns out to hide a devil so sul­phurous that fur­ther co- op­er­a­tion seems ob­nox­ious? Many might ar­gue that, even then, it is best to place a peg over one’s nose and carry on, at least un­til you can see how many other folk have clamped their nos­trils too. At which point, you may all form a splin­ter group. It is best to mod­er­ate the pace of change now. Don’t worry about the fu­ture. Call me for in­spir­ing news. Call 1900 950 020.


May 21 – Jun 20

Smart peo­ple know how to play dumb. And dumb peo­ple know how to act smart - or, at least, they think they do! The very clever­est can recog­nise that there are some things they can never hope to fully un­der­stand. And the not- so- clever? They like to flat­ter them­selves with the idea that if they think hard enough and long enough they will be able to make sense of just about any­thing! To­day, it turns out that you can crack a code that pre­vi­ously had you be­wil­dered. What does that make you? Well, it ought to make you happy! There are in­sights and rev­e­la­tions in store for you. Call 1900 950 020.


Jul 22 – Aug 22

If you think you know what’s go­ing on, you may be wrong. And if you think that you don’t, you may be wrong about that, too! The cos­mos is seem­ingly con­spir­ing to en­sure that your ex­pec­ta­tions, re­gard­less of what they may be, must all be called into ques­tion. Us­ing any power that it may have at its dis­posal, in­clud­ing the abil­ity to defy the lim­i­ta­tions of time and space it­self, the uni­verse will keep chang­ing your sit­u­a­tion till you con­cede con­fu­sion. Only then will all be happy and clear. So why wait. Give up now! You can al­ter what you want and make it work for you. Call 1900 950 020.


Sep 23 - Oct 22

Why do some peo­ple have per­sonal train­ers? Can’t they just ex­er­cise on their own? And why do some peo­ple have bosses? Can’t they just set them­selves their own tasks and tar­gets and or­gan­ise their own work­load? But then, that leads us down another road of en­quiry, does it not? Why do we have teach­ers? Why can’t we just look up what­ever we need to know in a book? Some­times, we all need oth­ers to play roles that we can’t play so easily for our­selves. That should be cel­e­brated, not re­sented to­day. If you need some in­spi­ra­tion, this is the week for you! Call 1900 950 020.


Nov 20 - Dec 20

No­body wants to fall into the river but if they are go­ing to end up there, they might pre­fer to be dressed in a div­ing suit com­plete with hel­met, oxy­gen tank and, per­haps, a flota­tion de­vice as well. It might be nice too, for them to know that they had a ra­dio with which they could sum­mon help if needed. And if they were told to look out for valu­able pack­ages, re­cently thrown over­board by an es­cap­ing smug­gler, they might at least feel inspired to be­lieve that they could profit from their predica­ment. Have faith in fate to­day. In­sights are avail­able to you this week. Find out more. Call 1900 950 020.


Jan 20 - Feb 17

Charon was the mytho­log­i­cal fer­ry­man who rowed the souls of the de­parted to another realm. That is also the name of Pluto’s gi­ant moon with its dark pole and five mile deep ravines. What has this to do with you? Noth­ing, of­fi­cially, yet. But isn’t there some sym­bol­ism in the way that you may now be pre­par­ing for a jour­ney to an un­cer­tain des­ti­na­tion. This is ab­so­lutely not as dra­matic or decisive as a ride in Charon’s boat. And you could make your life a lot lighter and eas­ier by view­ing your sit­u­a­tion with less sus­pi­cion. Great news if you are look­ing for in­spi­ra­tion and magic. Call 1900 950 020.


Apr 20 – May 20

Time Travel. No won­der we think of it as fic­tion. It con­tra­venes ev­ery rule we re­spect in day- to- day life. It con­tra­dicts ev­ery prin­ci­ple that has ever been ex­plained to us. A fur­ther clue to the in­di­gestibil­ity of the con­cept can be found in the phrase ‘ dayto- day’. We can all, as far as we know, only progress from one day to the next. But what if we could go straight from this day to any other day that we chose, be it in the past or the fu­ture? To a small but sig­nif­i­cant ex­tent, you can now re­write history, chang­ing to­mor­row in the process. The fu­ture is wait­ing for you. You are go­ing to love it. Call 1900 950 020.


Jun 21 – Jul 21

‘ The def­i­ni­tion of in­san­ity’ so they say ‘ is to keep do­ing the same thing while ex­pect­ing a dif­fer­ent re­sult.’ They keep on say­ing this, and they keep on say­ing that other very clever peo­ple have said this too. The quote is of­ten wrongly at­trib­uted to Al­bert Ein­stein, Ben­jamin Franklin, even Mark Twain. So, if none of these erst­while in­tel­lec­tu­als ever ac­tu­ally said this, yet ev­ery­one keeps in­sist­ing that they did, what does that tell us about the folk who are so fond of this phrase? You are not re­peat­ing an old mis­take now. You can work magic in your world this week. Find out how! 1900 950 020.


Aug 23 - Sep 22

Sorry? What was that? Did I just hear the sug­ges­tion that we are on this earth to en­joy our­selves? What an idea! Was some­body for­get­ting about the rent that must be paid, the work that must be done, the duty that must be dis­charged, the dis­com­fort that must be put up with, the worry that must be dealt with, the fear that must be re­spected and the stress that must be ex­pe­ri­enced? Oh, I see, they were say­ing that when you have Venus in your sign, none of that mat­ters, were they? Let’s see, to­day, if they are right. There is magic in the stars for you this week. Call me! 1900 950 020.


Oct 23 - Nov 21

When visi­tors come, we want our homes to look their best. We may also dress up to cre­ate a good im­pres­sion. Is this what your ruler Pluto did when it knew that NASA was send­ing a space probe on a fly- past? Is that why this dis­tant ice- world put a gi­ant heart shaped em­blem on its chest, as if to say ‘ now I know that you all think I am a dark and doomy in­flu­ence but just look, I am clearly full of love and light?’ You, like Pluto, know what it is to be cru­elly mis­un­der­stood. You are set­ting your own record straight now, too. The plan­ets say that won­der­ful changes are pos­si­ble. Call 1900 950 020.


Dec 2 1 - Jan 19

Why do we need po­lice of­fi­cers, judges, crit­ics and au­thor­ity fig­ures? Are we not suf­fi­ciently equipped with the abil­ity to re­strict our own lives with­out trou­bling oth­ers for their as­sis­tance? We can, of course, hap­pily turn to the task if re­quested. Some folk, it seems, gen­uinely want to be told what they can and can’t do or why they should or shouldn’t feel okay. It makes a pleas­ant change from boss­ing our­selves about. But to­day, if you want the eas­ier life you de­serve, just go more gen­tly on your­self and oth­ers. Call me if you are look­ing to make some pos­i­tive changes; 1900 950 020.


Feb 18 - Mar 19

Have you opened your en­ve­lope, ex­tracted the pa­per­work, pe­rused it thor­oughly and mem­o­rised ev­ery word? And if not, how can you be com­pli­ant? What hope do you have of sat­is­fy­ing the very pre­cise cri­te­ria by which all can­di­dates are as­sessed? Then again, you may care to con­sider that the rea­son you haven’t done your home­work is be­cause you haven’t been set any. You are nei­ther be­ing tried nor tested. It is per­fectly suf­fi­cient to do your best and hon­our the spirit of an agree­ment or an un­der­stand­ing. One quick call will cost less than cof­fee and a cake! Call 1900 950 020.

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