There’s gold in them bumps

EARLY last year the former Townsville City Council called for expressions of interest from developers to build a North Queensland Arts Centre including an art gallery, library and concert hall.

Four local developers lodged expressions.

A lot of time and money – more than $ 1 million, I understand – was spent developing some fantastic concepts. Just before Christmas the council responded. There was a “mismatch” between what the council could afford and what had been provided, although what the council could afford no one seems to know.

If that’s true, you wonder why expressions were called and why developers would go to such expense.

Last October the Premier and Mayor announced “construction” of a $ 28 million walkway along Ross Creek.

But just when this will be built is unclear. The design has not been completed and easements across property have not been secured. It “could” start by June. Apparently, the project has been delayed by a city masterplan being developed by some well- known advertising identities.

Meanwhile, a start on the stadium has pushed out from early to mid- tolate this year.

This week a letter writer to the Bulletin joined quite a few voices calling for a multi- user facility.

No one in authority responded to these calls.

Is there a disconnect here or are local people being ignored?

Then there’s the council restructure.

It’s been six months and few of the new management roles have been filled. That’s not a good way to conduct a restructure.

All this creates chatter about a council strapped for cash.

Did the council really pay cash for the $ 16 million Commonwealth Centre?

Will the council achieve the $ 9 million surplus estimated in 2016 and the $ 7 million deficit in 2017?

The council should decide what it can do and do it.

Listening to local people wouldn’t hurt either. It might find we have some very talented people. NOW, I know I’ve given Pauline Hanson a bit of grief over the years. After all, she thinks autism is a form of cancer, men are the real victims of family violence and gay marriage is bad for kids.

But she said one thing this week that made me stop and think. She thinks women are getting themselves pregnant for the money.

She says paid parental leave is too much money and shouldn’t be bumped up from 18 weeks to 20. In fact, she says it is already so generous mums are having babies just to get their hands on the cash.

I think it’s time for someone to put her claim to the test. Why not get up the duff just for the dough?

Don’t think of yourself as a cashgrabbing loose woman relying on welfare. Think of yourself of an entrepreneur; a self- made woman like Pauline who takes advantage of savvy opportunities.

Pauline says she was a single mother and raised her kids with no help from anyone. So aren’t you lucky that your government is willing to pay you $ 600 or so a week for 18 weeks?

All you have to do is have a baby and feed, clothe, educate and house it for 18 years or so in exchange for the big government bucks upfront.

Don’t worry about what’s going to happen when the 18 weeks are up and the money runs out.

Or when you need to go back to work and find money for childcare as well.

Or when the baby gets older and starts demanding to be fed three times a day, needs new clothes and a bed to sleep in – not to mention Smiggle pencil cases, birthday parties at Bounce and the latest Nikes.

Pauline says our welfare system is really, really generous, so why not trust her on this one?

Apparently NATSEM has worked out it costs $ 450,000 to raise kids to the age of 18. These fancy think- tank people say the Government chips in only $ 111 a week and you have to pay around $ 377 a week yourself.

So what? I’ll bet they’ve never done real work such as run a fish and chip shop like Pauline. What would they know? Now, I have to admit it’s not as easy as it used to be to live off welfare. Back in the good old days of the Baby Bonus it was Bugaboos and Baby Dior all the way.

These days you might need to cut a few corners.

For a start, try recycling nappies. Inside, outside, upside down – that’s one way to make them go the distance.

And don’t be too obsessed about feeding your baby nutritious meals using fresh ingredients. Home cooking is so overrated. Fast food is much cheaper and babies love it.

They wouldn’t call them Happy Meals if they weren’t good for kids, right?

In any case, I’m pretty sure a kid doesn’t really need three meals a day anyway. Who needs eating? Not your kids. Who needs heating? Not you. Who needs electricity? Not in your house. Hopefully you’re like me and grew up in SA and so are used to blackouts.

I asked my friends for some money- saving ideas to inspire you.

They suggested saving on hospital birthing costs by waiting as long as you can and having the baby on the side of the highway. Great idea, girls.

If there’s some emergency ambo delivery you might even get your picture in the paper. Bonus!

But there’s more you could do to cut costs. Surely you could forget about a change mat and change table and use the floor instead. Forget about a cot. Use a pram. Forget about a baby monitor. Just leave the door open.

You could save money on car seats and just use a pillow and an occy strap. I am sure that if you really work at it, you can pop out a pup, claim parental leave and sit back and watch the dollars roll in.

There’s also an idea that Stephen Fielding – the guy from Family First – talked about a few years back. He said that if the money offered under paid parental leave was too generous, women would get pregnant, claim the benefit then have an abortion just in time. There’s your Plan B.

That man’s a genius. Really. I can’t imagine why he’s not still in politics.

So maybe I’ve been a bit too hard on Pauline, who’s clearly got some really good ideas after all.

Step up, all of you breeders and get busy so you can rake in the cash.

Money can’t buy happiness, but thanks to the paid parental leave scheme, you can buy yourself a baby and only end up $ 347,000 or so worse off 18 years later.

Good on you Pauline, nice one!