Not The News. Shock­ing: Age­ing Hard-Nut Com­plains About Fruits Rid­ing Strange Boards In His Lineup.

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“What the fuck is hap­pen­ing to surf­ing mate?” Boomed 50 year-old Les Jones in the lineup of his lo­cal point break to no-one in par­tic­u­lar. De­spite not suc­cess­fully pad­dling into a wave in the two-foot con­di­tions in the last 45 min­utes on his 6’1” thruster, Les re­vealed the root of his frus­tra­tions to be, “All these fuckin fruits on their weirdo boards, catch­ing ev­ery wave, laugh­ing, smil­ing and car­ry­ing on. I tell ya mate, if you had of pad­dled out here on a board like that back in my day you’d have had seven dif­fer­ent sam­ples of shit punched out of you!” When a nearby surfer sug­gested that a slight in­crease in the vol­ume and length of his board might be the rem­edy to his trou­bles, Les re­sponded, “Fuck off ya clown. Why do you think the best surfers in the world ride ex­actly these di­men­sions?” The surfer shrugged be­fore glid­ing into a lit­tle peeler and hoot­ing down the line. Re­ports sug­gest Les is still yet to catch a wave.

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